Emptying My Head

My Daughter is a High School Senior!

2009-08-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, my daughter is a senior in high school.
Is she ready to face the world? She can now cook one thing, do her laundry when absolutely necessary, drive and park in some situations. This is an interesting year as we have to prepare to launch her into the world so she can survive (ideally thrive!) on her own, away from home, in situations where she has to think through situations on the spot.
This year will be filled with lessons for all as we try to prepare her in the best way possible. It will require patience, laughter and probably some prayers, too!

Dandelion Greens

2009-05-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

An article today about dandelion greens and their upcoming popularity for salad greens prompted a childhood memory. My father, orphaned at an early age, was sent to live with an aunt's family. This aunt, my Grandma Marion, was really ahead of her time in the 50's as an independent woman. Once she was widowed, she worked at a local newspaper and traveled all around the world (I remember that she went to Spain, in particular, as I have some of the souvenirs she bought on that trip).
Grandma Marion also was known for bluntly saying what was on her mind, regarding my body shape/size, my brother's reading skills and comments on anything else that probably should have been kept to herself.
But she was a food nut before they existed. My father used to have to eat (and complained about it) dandelion greens and baby ferns as vegetables at their dinner. Not sure if she grew them or where they got them, but I remember my father talking about that as clearly as if it were today.
I will try the dandelion greens in our salads soon, in her memory, and I am quite certain I can grow them since they are a weed! We are already fans of another new/old herb, antioxidant-rich pursulane.

Losing My Marbles (figuratively, that is)

2008-04-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started cooking an egg-white omlette and got in the shower, totally forgetting about it. It got crusty, but was still edible. It was NOT an aluminum pan, but perhaps many of my previous pans were?
I also kept hearing a beep from my purse as I was driving off on my errands. Later, I found the portable phone in my purse, beeping, while "searching for base" until it just ran out of battery power. It is old, and doesn't hold a charge too very long, thankfully in this case.
Today, I discovered my alarm clock in my purse, chiming at the top of every hour. I know how it got there as I threw my daughter's lunchbox and Vitamin Water in my bag at a very early hour this morning, before my coffee.
I usually remember to put the buzzer on when I am watering the garden. Sometimes, between the time I turn it on outside, and come inside, I forget.
Yikes, if this is the sign of things to come.....I've got problems! You can certainly call me Ms. Short-term Memory Loss!
P.S. an addendum to this post -- apparently the time on the alarm clock got reset, so it was still dark when it went off at 6:10 am. I was wondering why I was so tired and it was dark, until I looked at the other clocks in the bedroom. Double buffoonery for me! I sure was glad to have that extra hour of sleep.

Somehow, Sometime, Somewhere...

2008-03-02T22:26:00.000-08:00

As part of our year of discovery, we attended a speaker at the Phoenix Community Kollel. Rabbi Yissocher Frand spoke about the power of prayer, on the topic of "Does G-d Hear Our Prayers?"
The evening was thought provoking and we have discussed prayer many times since. The summary of his talk was that, if you pray, it is heard, but may not be answered as you wish. But, somehow, sometime, somewhere it will be answered.
If you pray for healing for someone that is ill, they may not get better. But that prayer may benefit someone else in need of healing, so praying is encouraged as you just never know when it will be answered, but it will...
It is kind of like your prayer goes into a giant stewpot and is dished out sometime, somehow, somewhere. I guess it is good because prayer allows us to focus, stop what we are doing and think powerful, positive, appreciative thoughts. You could certainly benefit someone, in some fashion. It also makes you think about what form prayer takes -- is it structured? formal? individualized? I guess it is all of the above and more.

Meteors Streaming By

2007-12-13T21:44:00.002-08:00

I love seeing meteors and shooting stars in the dark night sky. It makes me feel closer to G-d and the Universe. Is it that they are so far away, the stark contrasts of light and dark, the unexpected and unknown? I sneak outside in the back yard, face into the desert, and wait for the night magic show.
Tonight I saw one (possibly two). I can hardly imagine the glory of the night sky when out to sea on a ship. For that, I cannot wait.

A Simple View of the World

2007-10-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

My daughter looks at things in a very simple, uncomplicated way, and I love her for her ability to do just that. The other night I was trying to brainstorm some solutions to figure out how to drive her to swim practice. I told her to "put her thinking cap on" and come up with some ideas for me.
She responded, "I don't have one of those."
And, even funnier than her response, was the fact that she did NOT ask where she could get one of those hats...
Last night, we were watching an AIG commercial, the one where the guy is doing karaoke and it says you can live 15 years longer if you sing, so plan your money accordingly. She watched the commercial and then stated " I am going to live a very long time." After my husband and I looked at her blankly, not really knowing what prompted her to say that, she added "I sing every day."
That same evening, we were discussing the Panama Canal and our interest in going there after learning the history with her in 8th grade. She asked, "what are you talking about?" After we told her what she had learned, she said, "well, that was 8th grade and I had to get rid of that to make room to learn something else."
If life were only that simple....

Two Flowers for Rosh Hashanah

2007-09-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

What better way to acknowledge the beginning of the New Year! I have two of my precious cactus flowers opening for Rosh Hashanah Eve, just as the opening of the gates for the ten day holidays of self-examination, forgiveness and resolution begin. These flowers last only one night -- we are hopefully going to last at least another year, until the gates to Yom Kippur open again.
I pray that my husband and daughter are together for many years. I also pray for peace in the world, an end to global warming to save endangered animals and our planet, comfort to friends facing sadness and loss, and acceptance and respect among my family members.

"I Was Lucky"

2007-08-06T08:47:00.001-07:00

That was the subject of a recent email from John Kerry, reminding us that he was lucky in his fight against prostate cancer and encouraging support of cancer research. I am keeping that message so I have a daily reminder that I, too, was lucky. It is a gentle reminder as well when you hear of someone who has cancer that comes back, and loses the battle to survive -- as I did from a friend about a neighbor that I have never met. It always give you that twinge....and motivation to appreciate it all even more.
There is an artist that seems to capture all those feelings and thoughts in his art and words. I wept without knowing why when I first encountered Brian Andreas at an art fair in San Francisco in 1993. He can make you smile and cry at the same time, if that is even possible. I recently started getting his daily story from Storypeople.com. Needless to say,we have many of his prints, sculptures and books at our house and I have bought them as gifts for so many occasions.
Today's story, which I sent as a 30th Anniversary gift to a special friend, helps me value each day. It also enriches my feelings about my wonderful husband, as we look forward to new chapters and new adventures in our life together. Will it be beaches, comedy, baseball, farmers markets, art, food?The truth is, it doesn't matter as long as we are side-by-side.

This is the Brian Andreas print "Side-by-Side":
We sat side by side in the morning light & looked out at the future together.

Procrastination aka Puttering Around

2007-07-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

I am struck by the number of posts about procrastinating as I look back at previous posts on this blog -- yes, it is a repeating problem for me.
My most recent time was for the year-end audit and financial statements for a parent volunteer group. I had all the information needed, but my limited Excel skills made me keep delaying the paperwork for several months.I finally attacked it today, and found several math errrors I had made earlier in the year. But, I corrected those, and, lo and behold, got everything to balance and match the bank statement. I finished all the required reports and documents and everything is now ready for the audit.
BUT, why do I do this? I am now quite relieved, after worrying about it in the night for several weeks. I just don't know why I don't just get things done, rather than procrastinate. I even try to create artificial deadlines for myself.

The Wikipedia says:
Procrastination is the deferment or avoidance of an action or task to a later time. It is often cited by psychologists as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.For the person procrastinating this may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of productivity, the creation of crisis, and the chagrin of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments. While it is normal for individuals to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological or physiological disorder.

I guess it is all of the above, for some reason or another....I like to call it puttering around, which is really my term for starting several projects and repeatedly wandering away in the middle to do something else.

Safesittings.com

2007-07-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

I was touched by a story on dLife today about a teenage girl with diabetes. She organized a group of other diabetic teens that babysit for kids with diabetes. It gives the kids a chance to talk to someone who understands what they are coping with, and gives the parents some peace of mind so they can know their child is in good hands.
One side benefit is that the teens get together and form a support group for themselves, talking about the difficulties of living with their disease. I can only imagine how hard it is to be diabetic as a self-conscious teenager. It is not easy at any age. It brought tears to our eyes to see how this benefitted both the sitter and the children.
The national group is called Safesittings.com, a diabetes babysitting service. Parents can sign up online to find a sitter; diabetic sitters can also post their availability by zip code. Parents will be able to find a sitter that knows how to treat high or low blood sugars, manage a pump or give insulin injections. What a blessing this organization is for those that need it.
This teenaged girl made a difference, by starting Safesittings in her area. I don't know where she lived, but kudos to her!

Disguising Watches As Jewelry

2007-05-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

I guess many younger people are like my daughter -- they don't wear a watch, depending on their cellphone or other electronic device for the time, if they even care about it at all. But they do like jewelry, and watchmakers are getting clever, disguising watches as something else. Data from NPD, a retail analyst, says that more than one-quarter of people under 25 no long wear watches, and at least as many, never have.
We got my daughter a cool watch she wanted and never wears. But, realistically, she was learning to tell time when the world went digital and left her behind in figuring out the time department. Expressions like, "five of", "a quarter of", may as well be in Greek. Often the discussion results in what number the big and little hand should be on.
But, now I know, she is not alone, depending on the phone, iPod, laptop, etc. for the time of day. Maybe that is why people carry their cellphones in their hand 24/7; so they know what time it is.
In addition, many younger people have no landline phones in their home, depending solely on their cellphone. Perhaps it is an income issue, but more likely them figuring they wouldn't use it anyway. Heaven help that they would miss a call on a landline when they are holding their cellphone while out of the house.

Reading the Sunday Paper

2007-05-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

It is a rare Sunday when I actually read the entire Sunday newspaper, but today was one of those. I enjoyed reading all of it, including all the inserts. Much of the news is stuff I have already read online, but there are local features, opinions and interesting tidbits. An indepth story on the local hospice services was an example, bringing tears to my eyes with some of the situations.
My daughter does not have an interest in reading any newspaper, and looks past it when it is around. If she wants to find a movie time, she looks online. Sadly, that is the extent of her curiosity of what might be in the newspaper. All those facts, figures, features and opinions that she just won't be aware of. How sad is that, when reading the newspaper is such a part of the daily routine of so many folks.
I know newspaper readership is down, particularly among young people. I know ad dollars must compete with other venues. But it would be a sad situation to see newspapers fade away. My career goal growing up was to be the editor of The New York Times. I got detoured on the way -- does it count that I was editor of my high school paper?

Hostess Gifts

2007-04-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

I feel naked if I go to a party or someone's home without a hostess gift. My mother trained me in that custom early on; I have not been successful in passing that on to my daughter, though she loves being on the receiving end. I store up little gifts in the house to use for those occasions, but, of course, cannot find them when I do need them.
When my husband and I were engaged, we had a myriad of parties. Each of the 25 or so events required a hostess gift, sometimes with multiple gifts at one party with multiple hostesses. Bath cubes were a novelty at that time and were a big hit as a hostess gift. Yesterday, an article in the paper yesterday suggested some last minute hostess gift ideas for Easter dinner invites, no doubt reinforcing the theme of spring. The ideas were cute and simple -
- fill a leftover basket with spring vegetables from your garden or the grocery store;
--have the kids get on iTunes and make a disc of spring-themed songs for the hostess to play at the party (suggestions were Vivaldi's The Four Seasons to Under the Boardwalk, It Might As Well Be Spring and April in Paris). Cute idea, however, I think this idea violates copyright laws?;
--bundle three packets of seeds togheter with some twine, and give it with a flower from your yard and a cute note.
I love the creativity of these ideas and hope this polite custom does not die in the next generation. Thank you notes, handwritten ones sent in the mail, seem to quickly be going by the wayside. Except, from my house, my daughter knows they are expected and has gotten to be pretty good at getting them done with minimal badgering and procrastination.

I Read It On The Bathroom Wall

2007-03-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

When I attend a meeting at the school district headquarters, I learn a great deal. Much of what I learn is information learned in the bathroom, believe it or not.
In each stall, there is a posting of useful, work-related tips to read while, you got it, you are using the restroom. These are entitled "Potty PD Tips", which I presume means "Potty Personal Development Tips." The topics are things like "the art of asking good questions", "how to run an efficient meeting," etc.
I think it is an interesting way to use otherwise unproductive work time. I don't know if they thought of it themselves or got the idea elsewhere.

Woes of an Art Collector

2007-03-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

"An art collector is someone who buys artwork he cannot afford for a place he doesn't have" --- if only that were the worst problem to have. No wallspace for art that inspires and creates reflection or smiles. If life were just that simple...

Unlocking Passion

2007-01-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today is Martin Luther King Day, a day dedicated to a man that had a passion which has shaped the lives of those that followed him. In the past two days, I have seen people with tremendous drive and passion in their lives, though not at the magnitude of MLK.
People of all sizes, shapes and ages ran in the P.F. Chang Rock 'N Roll Marathon. Some were limping and struggling at the 18-19 mile points, but they were out there doing it, for themselves, for someone else, for a purpose and sense of accomplishment. It brought tears to my eyes as we cheered them on.
Today, at the Barrett-Jackson Collector Car auction, there were people that had lovingly restored classic autos and some hunks of junk into collectibles. Those people were seated near their cars, wiping them down and polishing the chrome, describing their restoration work to interested viewers. Some had photos of the process from the beginning to end. They were selling their own version of art. Yes, art is different to everyone, but they had a passion and pride in what they had done.
How does one light that fire and passion in your teenager? I tried to tell her about the runners and their ambitions; I talked about people loving every step in making the car new again. Not sure that the point of passion and drive sunk in.
I guess I will keep on trying.

Holiday Break

2007-01-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

We did not take a vacation during this December holiday for many reasons. So, we hung around home, did a few local excursions, did not tackle the big projects we had anticipated, and now the two week break is over. We gave lots of gifts to the poor, did our annual year-end charity donations and had stuff picked up by charitable organizations. There are many worse off in the world who have nowhere to sleep or food to eat -- so, in all, we are blessed. Our time-out from our regular routine has ended and now we can get on with the new year after some quiet time. Not the greatest break, but certainly we appreciate all we have and, right now, we appreciate our health and being together.

59 Years

2006-11-27T12:24:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving would have been my parent's 59th wedding anniversary. I feel sad for my mother as I know that she must still feel the emptiness and hole left when my father died. I feel it even more as I see the increased intimacy, feeling and shared experiences in my own marriage. I feel it when I know how wonderful and safe it feels to go to sleep with the same person next to you, rain or shine, sickness or health. Every night, as I go to sleep, I am thankful for that, and the privilege of waking up again the next morning.

My Wonderful Vegetable Garden

2006-10-31T22:10:00.000-08:00

I love looking at my vegetable garden to see what has grown overnight. I love seeing what is almost ready to pick. I make a little map of what seeds I planted where in my two planter boxes, but mistakenly put two kinds of seed in one row, resulting in a crop of mystery. Little oak leaf lettuce heads are coming up; not sure where the spinach and cabbage are. Wax beans have been plentiful enough to have them as part of our dinner twice.
I saw a sign that summed it up for me. "A garden shows that there is hope for the future." That is so true for me. For a few years, I was afraid to plan ahead more than a few months; I did not dare to take the future for granted. But then I took on some obligations (homeowner secretary/treasurer, participation in some other ongoing committee obligations, signed up for a class, etc.) that were in the future. Now, after planting my garden, and reading that sign, I must say that it is true for me. I am planting and caring for the garden as it is highly possible that I will have a future. Wow -- never take that for granted as it could all change quickly, even before a new batch of seeds sprouts.

She Remembered

2006-10-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

For the first time, my daughter remembered, and acknowledged my birthday without being asked. Whoa!!! She said "good night, almost birthday girl" last night. When I woke her up, instead of the usual groan, she wished me "happy birthday." And, when we headed off to the bus, she told me to stay out of the kitchen.
When I came home, there was a drawing of me, in our backyard oohing and aahing over cactus flowers, me in the pool and a cut out of the letters of "happy birthday." The capper was a dotted line drawing of us doing the Susan G. Komen race together next year, going past all the mile-markers. She had one cute touch - a line directly from start to finish stating "short cut."
I am lucky in so many ways. And appreciate the effort. It is especially poignant when a friend just emailed that she has a possible re-occurrence of her breast cancer.
Every day is precious. Today is extra-precious.

Sometimes You Could Cry All Day

2006-08-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe everyone feels this way --- there are some days where you could cry all day, about good things, sad things, ridiculous things.
Tears will well up when reading about the accidental death of some teen, who happened to be driving in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or, actually, anytime you happen to accidentally open the paper to the Obituary section.
But you could cry about the unending love and support provided by helper animals to disabled people, the amazing acts of kindness that some people do for others less fortunate or a really nice Good Samaritan story.
Ben's Bells is one of those stories, where a young boy's death has spurred people to make and randomly hang bells with messages in Tucson and other parts of the country. People that find the bells are asked to send in their stories; it is remarkable how they end up with people that need a positive message, prayers or kindness from strangers.
Yes, you could cry because your family is aging or unwell, or that war is going on and killing innocent civilians, or that millions are dying in Darfur. Or that global warming and pollution are changing our world daily.
But you have to, at some point, get a grip on the big picture and try, each day, to make a difference in what you do have control over. At least that is what I tell myself every day.

Life's Memorable Moments

2006-03-26T12:13:00.000-08:00

The memorable moments in life:
- when my husband proposed to me
- seeing my daughter for the first time
- feeling a giraffe breathing on my face
- seeing Dave Brubeck perform "Take Five" in person
- a meal at Ecco, owned by Mario Battali
- clear mammograms, every time
- sitting atop Mt. Sinai with my cousin, after climbing 1,000 steps to the top
- watching my daughter at her Bat Mitzvah ceremony
- "The Eagles", live, in concert, over and over again
- seeing my husband again after we have been apart.
I feel lucky... and hope to be able to add more moments to this list....

They Need More to Think About

2006-03-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

A recent survey from Health magazine asked people: "What is is that you wouldn't give up, even if it meant sacraficing a part of your daily routine?"
Responses were a bit odd, in my mind:
- Television: 28 percent
- Coffee: 25 percent
- Exercise: 22 percent
- Sex: 19 percent
Sounds to me like a lot of the respondents need to attend a Dr. Ruth seminar or read one of her many books. She is remarkable, as well as educational and entertaining.

Food Allergies

2006-03-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

I had some food allergies when I was a child, but, thankfully, I outgrew them. Having food allergies as a teen, or an adult for that matter, make you different than those around you and draws (what is perceived as) negative attention to you.
Not surprisingly, most of the teens in a recent survey did not tell their friends about their food allergies and would knowingly eat something containing an allergen just to fit in. They did wish that their friends were made aware of the allergies and how to treat them (i.e., epi pen), but by someone other than them. For a teenager, struggling to fit in and make the right decisions, a food allergy could be life-threatening yet embarrassing.
For an adult, it also calls attention to you. It means stringent label-reading and asking questions before ordering or purchasing take-out foods -- many times people are not understanding when you have to ask what the soup stock is made of? I can only imagine a teen asking for their order made with something different. Eating an allergen to fit in is scary, but no less so than drinking alcohol or taking drugs to fit in?
Peer pressure is huge, but getting through your teen years is a challenge to both kids and their parents.

The full story is available at http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060313/hl_nm/food_allergic_dc

Accidental Reading Made Me Think

2006-03-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

I was reading the headline story about a PTO Treasurer that absconded with some funds while in office (now I know why two signatures are needed) and the story continued on the page that happened to be the Obituaries. Sometimes, I get stuck on that page, reading about the various people who passed away. It was an ordinary day (it happened to be Valentine's Day), but the page was filled with people that were anything but ordinary. I was struck by the accomplishments and testaments written about this random group of people. There was:
- a decorated veteran loved by many;
- a physician that was born in the slums of Mexico and became a cardiac surgeon dedicated to care for poor and underserved Latinos;
- a career nurse; a lifelong teacher; a retired manufacturing executive;
- a Grammy-winning Latin jazz percussionist;
- a fisherman/woodworker that died from surgical complications;
- a special friend and teacher;
- a dedicated husband and father nicknamed "Sleepy";
- a champion of Native American education;
- a man was a miniature golf pioneer by creating elaborate obstacles and custom courses;
- an organized-crime figure;
- a frozen-food pioneer that developed frozen non-diary topping from soybeans;
and last, but not least, a woman that created an non-profit emergency roadside clinic (Wings of Angels) in Rocky Point, Mexico after her daughter died there in an automobile accident.
Since then, I have wondered what people would be able to write about me when that day comes. I only hope I can leave one small portion of the legacy those folks left behind.
Approaching the five year point, post-breast cancer, it is hard for me not to think about that day, whenever it comes.

Misguided Good Intentions

2006-02-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

I have been on my homeowner association board in two different communities for a total of 6 years. My motivation is to help make the community a better and safe place to live. However, my current thought is that my intentions are totally misguided, making me a target for anger, frustration, screaming and venting by normally-nice-seeming neighbors. Why can't it be a pleasant, positive experience as people work together to maintain their house values and look of their neighborhoods?
I can only think that it will get better....only one year and eight months left in my term. I am wondering, however, is it October yet?

Valentine's Day: Then and Now

2006-02-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

I always dreaded Valentine's Day when I was in elementary school. As a chubby, shy child, I did not have a lot of friends. So, when you had to construct the envelope to hang on the front of your desk to collect Valentine's from classmates, I knew it was going to be sad. It was before the days of being sensitive, when the teacher says you have to give the cards to everyone or no one. In those days, you gave them to whomever you wanted, or more notably, did not give them to those you did not want to. I always had a small collection of cards, in contrast to my big collection of tears.
After twenty-something years of marriage, I can enjoy Valentine's Day with some cards, gifts and time with my family. It is hard not to remember how my feelings were hurt those many years ago and I try to caution my daughter not to hurt the feelings of others less pretty or popular than her. I did get several gifts today -- but, to me, the greatest gift is my husband always accepting me for myself, for which I am thankful.

A New Low

2005-12-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

If calls from the bathroom are not bad enough, what about calls from the airport while waiting for a flight? Or while in line to get on a cruise ship? Not so bad, unless those are the ONLY calls. It does help one see how they are prioritized by the caller, but does not make one feel any better about it.

Calls From The Bathroom

2005-10-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

You know where you stand with someone when they return your phone calls from the bathroom. I thought the calls from the car on-the-way-to-somewhere-else were bad enough, with the signal cutting in and out. Or from the garage out of hearing from family members. "Seinfeld" immortialized the "cellphone and walk and talk" as not polite or courteous; this makes that seem like proper etiquette. It helps one crystalize where they stand on the relationship totem pole.

High Holidays Thoughts

2005-10-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

As the High Holidays come around, I find that I begin to reflect on what my priorities will be in the coming year. In fact, I am glad that the holidays force this introspection. I am going to plant a garden and try to grow some vegetables that I usually buy at the farmer's markets. I am going to read more; knit blanket squares for people in need; try to finish the garage job I started earlier this year so I can create a TV studio for my husband; learn to say "no" to inane volunteer events; work on some political campaigns for deserving, well-meaning candidates; exercise with my husband; try to remain calm while dealing with a teen-aged daughter and, generally, be thankful that I am here to celebrate another High Holiday season. I will also do my part to try to make the world a better place, countering the impact of decisions by GWB and his newly appointed Supreme Court Chief Justice.

Taking Pictures

2005-09-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

I look at all these people with fancy cameras, taking photos and buying all kinds of equipment. The fact is I don't care about taking pictures. I figure if I see it, then that is enough. Perhaps I am not sentimental. The fact is, when I did take pictures on trips when younger, they sat in their film envelopes and never got labelled or put in photo albums. The current scrapbooking craze reinforces the popularity of taking pictures. Maybe the fact that I cannot center a shot or cut off heads is one reason I avoid taking pictures.
At the dentist this week, I got a camera that is just "my speed." It was in the toy box, for kids that were well-behaved at the dentist (yes, I was!) and it is a little cheap version of a Viewmaster, with cartoon caricatures of a zebra, giraffe, lion, and monkey, with a group shot as well. So, really, I don't need anything else, because if I were ever to take a picture, it would be of a giraffe and its fellow animals. When on the safari truck in the San Diego Wildlife Park, I relished the kisses of many giraffes while my husband took many photos. I don't need a picture to remember the ecstacy of that day.

Why The World Is Round

2005-09-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

A friend is facing the task of going through her recently deceased mother's closet. She ended up there for six hours today alone, as her sister did not show up to help as promised. But she said she found a piece of paper torn out with the following quote on it: "The reason the world is round is to make sure we can't see what is around the next corner or lies ahead." She said that finding that quote helped her get through her day and the difficult task.
It gave me goosebumps when she told me -- was it prophetic or just saying taking things as they come? Was it her mom's way of leaving her a message to find after she passed away? Whatever it was, my friend found it to be helpful today in facing a challenge. Isn't that what moms are supposed to do? I sure try to do that in my role as a mom, but sometimes it is difficult.

Parenting A Teenager

2005-08-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

Parenting a teenager is a hard job. You don't know right away if you are doing the right or wrong thing. I am now armed with piles of books. Among them are "Get out of my life, but first can you take me and Cheryl to the mall?" and one for mothers of teenaged daughters," I'm not mad, I just hate you." Add the TIME magazine Aug. 8 with the cover story about "Being 13 -- "I Am A Complicated Child", and I am way out of my skill set. Recently I had the luck of sitting next to a fascinating woman on the airplane who is a biochemistry professor with a special research interest in teenage brain function, or lack thereof, apparently. The brain turns to "mush", while your formerly, semi-communicative teen reacts to everything emotionally and only as it applies to them at that moment. This could go on for years, she says, as she was on her way to lecture a group of Middle School teachers.
But, she advises, your persistence and patience will pay off. Keep repeating logical actions and consequences ("if this happens, then.....) and someday, when the "mush" clears, there are defined neurological pathways for this-now adult to make their own, logical, rational decisions. So, she warns me not to be mad when you have reminded them they will need their housekey several times, but you later get a call, "Mom, I am at the door. How can I get in the house?" This had happened to her the week before. She swears that this too shall pass. Meanwhile, I keep flipping through these books for coping advice and strategies for not saying "the wrong thing."

Techno-phobia

2005-08-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

Reading that people have trouble setting hotel alarm clocks hits home with me. I find it is a challenge and then you worry you won't be woken up when you need to and ask for a wakeup call just in case the alarm clock you brought from home fails as well. But, I am also one of those many folks who would not be able to program my VCR and have a blinking "12:00", cannot work the DVD player or the TIVO-like device in our house. My daughter cannot tell time from a regular clock due to the digital world, but she can work all the above equipment.
Oh well. To read about others like me, see http://news.yahoo.com/s/usatoday/hotelsdumbdownalarmclocksforwearyguests

The Phone Rang at 2 a.m.

2005-07-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

The phone rang at 2 a.m last night. It was startling, but I did not worry it was one of those horrible calls that you dread -- an urgent family situation, accident, death, etc. But it did make me think of the fragile balance in which all of our lives hang, where one phone call could change everything. It was hard to go back to sleep.
I did recall the horrible nights when I was the first number called for burgular alarms at a number of offices. It most often was false alarms as a result of errors by cleaning crews, though there were a few real break-ins.

Mortality

2005-04-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

There are days that one cannot help but think of your own mortality, and, that of others around you. I try to do whatever I can to help my husband manage his diabetes, knowing that we often only manage the symptoms, not the disease. I think of my mother, who does not often help herself, alone, facing the struggles of getting old, less mobile, and for her, worst of all, more dependent on others. Then there are those who create their own situations, purposely or not, but that is another topic for another time.
My neighbor, a really sweet woman I met through Bunco, has a challenge of another kind. Her husband is in need of a liver transplant, and they have gone through the tests to find a match for numerous live donors. Since the liver is the only organ that grows back, a donor can contribute part of a healthy liver. His wife was almost cleared for surgery when some weird blood anomaly surfaced. The latest tests were on his niece and she was a match. Surgery is scheduled for the end of May. But, at this very moment, the husband is hospitalized for some bleeding problems, prompting speculation that the surgery may have to be moved up for him to survive.
When I think of what they are going through, I know that I am petty being upset over anything insignificant. I am thankful for each and every day, the four cactus flowers we had this week and the huge rainbow tonight.

Weight Loss

2005-04-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was very young, each doctor appointment included the words "you have to lose weight." It was depressing -- I tried lots of different diets -- grapefruit, "Mayo", low calorie, etc. but it did not ever work as I never added exercise (40 years ago that was never even suggested as part of a weight loss plan.)
Now, I get the same requirement, but am much better equipped to deal with it. We are already working with a personal trainer, follow the glycemic index and "South Beach Diet" guidelines -- now I know it is for my health and well-being, not just to make me feel badly as an overweight teenager.
I always wanted to attend those summer camps for overweight girls. Since I never was able to do so, I ended up being a counselor one summer. The camp was full of wealthy girls whose family sent them to boarding school during the year and "fat" camp during the summers. The diet was 100 calories per day, with mineral oil as the salad dressing. The counselors were supposed to yell demeaning things to the girls as they attempted to run around the track in the mid-day, upstate New York heat. I would not do that, and was chided repeatedly. My cabin led a break-in one night to the camp canteen and raided lots of candy. The problem was that it was all sorbitol and it was easy to find those responsible as they were in the bathroom most of the day following the crime spree.
The counselors were no better as we would go out at night. One very heavy girl ate one dozen bagels one night. The next night she got a Howard Johnson ice cream cone with 5 scoops piled up. I found out, after the camp was over, that she marketed a fat girls calendar of her photos. I felt so sad for her.

The Pope

2005-04-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

I have read everything about the Pope -- his illness, career, accomplishments, death and subsequent funeral events. I have learned much about what he did during his life. How many people, at age 58 have the opportunity to be a world leader for 26 years, influencing nations and people around the globe? What a wonderful job that would be. OK, so I may not agree with some of the doctrine (I am not Catholic), the decisions and sticking to out-moded rules. He was a learned man and had the ability to travel across geographic, political and religious lines, which he did gracefully. He was clearly ecumenical in his efforts, and truly worked with all kinds of belief systems as dictated by the wording in his miter. (The traditional pope's miter is fashioned in such a way to include the teachings of Old Testament with the New Testament, sewn in a way dictated by several Biblical passages.) Regarding internal church stuff -- I don't know anything in detail about that, but reading about the scandals of abuse is disgusting. Not sure how to make sense of the accusations that he kept AIDS research from proceeding.
If I were near Rome, I would have attended some portion of the recent funeral, just to be part of such a significant world event. I was particularly fascinated by the concept of smashing the pope's ring upon death, as a way to make sure imposters did not use the papal seal after he passed.
On the topic of other worldwide events, I was glued to the wedding of Diana and Prince Charles, as well at the first (2nd, 3rd) moon landings and the execution of Ted Bundy (I cheered!) I remember vividly where I was when JFK was shot and also the time when the nation observed two minutes of silence following his funeral. The night of the worldwide candlelight vigil for John Lennon, I stood with a candle in the throngs at the Seattle Center. I am sure I have participated in other worldwide events but cannot think of them now -- is looking at a solar eclipse one of them?

I Did Get Started, Finally

2005-03-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

I finally got started on getting the house ready for houseguests, Bunco, Bat Mitzvah and the ability to let someone in if they come to the door. The garage was hard to get going, but once I did, it moved quickly as I consolidated boxes and stuffed them into the closets. You could park a car in there if you needed to, by just moving some stuff aside. And with housecleaners coming next week, the deadline is eminent. I must get some sleep at night, rather than continuing to roll the organizing and cleaning chores over repeatedly in my mind.

Challenges

2005-03-11T14:43:00.000-08:00

Life places many challenges at your feet. I try to teach my daughter that the choices we make as we face challenges are what define us, and our ultimate character. When you see someone that has made poor choices, it is hard not to feel sorry for them and try to tell them what they should have done. Resisting temptation, for all sorts of things that are not good for your body or soul, is a huge challenge. Whatever it is --- fear, ego, money, faith, etc. --- that helps people choose their path certainly is different for each person.
One important lesson to teach in parenting (so that your kids will say "no" to the wrong influences) is the whole concept of delayed gratification. A simple method of teaching that was shared at a parenting class -- buy a bottle of your child's favorite beverage. Put it in the fridge on Monday. Tell them they can have it on Friday. That is a simplified way to teach a huge life lesson. The few days in between will not be easy or fun, but life is not fun when you cannot grasp the premise of delayed gratification. (Smoking, drugs and alcohol all provide instant gratification for a teen, and that is the goal of the lesson above.)

Still Trying

2005-03-08T08:35:00.000-08:00

I figure if I say this often enough, it will come to pass....
I often think about the best way to prioritize my time, but am not very successful at it. I agree to things I should not; get sidetracked by ridiculous issues and, generally, wander around procrastinating cleaning and organizing. I can see that, in the coming year, I will have more demands on my time than I can handle, as various organizations begin determining their key players for next year. I will have to pick and choose, saying no to some that may ask. I have to leave time to exercise, do some sort of political activity, and to relax. Sometimes I agree to do something creating a stressful day, but, since it is a long way off, assume it will work itself out. Usually, it does not, and I involve my whole family in my stressful situation. But, in contrast, five years ago, I wasn't doing too much at all and I am thankful for my here and now.

Say What I Do or Do What I Say?

2005-02-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

My recent foray into the world of volunteerism reveals two kinds of people. Are you a "say what I do" type, needing lots of repeated thank you and recognition? Or, are you a "do what I say" person -- one who follows through on what they agreed to do without focus on recognition?
I met both types. Unfortunately, those that say they will do something and don't follow through will give me a lasting impression of them. I know they couldn't care less what I think, but I am not impressed by their character for taking credit when NO credit is due.

That Time of Year

2005-02-25T13:31:00.000-08:00

It 's getting to that time of year, when, five years ago, I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer. I am grateful to be alive and healthy five years down the road. However, as each significant date comes around (date of diagnosis, first chemo, surgery, etc.), I find myself reflecting on then and now. I want to celebrate having the blessing to be alive and survive, yet cannot allow myself to not remember what it took to get here, to today. I am trying to focus all my positive thoughts and energy on planning the best Bat Mitzvah possible for my daughter, as she is one-half of the dynamic duo that helped me through those many months. She remembers little of that time, but I remember.
The credit is also due to some other folks:
- My surgeon, Dr. Laura Esserman, with hands and a voice on loan from G-d. Words cannot describe how much she cares about her patients; she sings opera to them while in the Operating Room;
- My oncologist, Dr. Hope Rugo, a smart, intense, direct physician with a combination of heart and brains that is remarkable;
- Karen, the wonderful Nurse Practitioner who has been through this herself. She listened to everything, and when she could do nothing else, gave you a shoulder to cry on and a big hug of encouragement. I am eternally grateful to this trio of women.
Finally, I must add, last, but not least, Barry Bonds. He unwittingly gave my husband something to think about while we all tried to survive. Seeing him the other night at the comedy club, and sitting about 10 ft. from him during the show was a thrill. I know that I stared at him way too much, but he is part of that time five years ago. How ironic that he is also part of today, and hopefully, many more tomorrrows.

Going To The Movies

2005-02-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

I always suggest going to the movies when we talk about having an outing, but we don't usually get there for one reason or another. Yesterday, we did get there. I was surprised that so many people just get out and go to the movies, spontaneously, meeting friends, etc. It is hard for me as I only like lightweight comedies, but I do try to see other types if they are not violent, middle-earth like or historical. My husband always thinks I have stock in the movie theatre chains when I suggest it, but I know how much he enjoys going to the movies when he sees something that is thought provoking. Lately, we have discovered having a good laugh before bed helps lower his blood sugar, resulting in a good night's sleep.

President's Day

2005-02-18T21:52:00.000-08:00

I asked my husband what we are doing that is presidential this weekend. We could not think of anything related to the holiday, but we are going to watch some baseball, maybe, if it stops raining and we can find those pitchers and catchers. But mostly we are driving our daughter around. She has activities day and night Saturday, a sleepover on Sunday and planned appointments on Monday. I had asked her what she would like for dinner tonight as it was the only night we are eating dinner together the entire weekend. It is sure difficult to shift your mindset as you accept the fact that your child, almost teenager, has her own separate schedule all weekend. At least we had Shabbat dinner together.

Ten Years

2005-02-14T18:16:00.000-08:00

Tonight was my father's Yartzheit, the tenth anniversary of his death, according to the Jewish calendar. It is tradition to say the Mourner's prayers and light a candle for the deceased person. We went to services and read the prayer; I was honored that my daughter stood by my side to help me with the Hebrew words I mispronounced. We have a candle burning, with some of his favorite items: cheese, junk mail, black pepper and toothpicks. A favorite rabbi said that the candle light wakes up the dead person from their eternal sleep, and lets them know someone is thinking of them -- that is extremely comforting.
It strikes me that the hardest fact to grasp about the ten years since he died is that time passes so quickly and easily, without notice if you are not careful. I have some wonderful memories and traits I learned from him and I know his passing affected so many of the people in my family deeply. It is particularly poignant on Valentine's Day. Right before he died, the employees in his company had a Valentine's party for him -- to thank him, wish him well and, ultimately, to say goodbye to a man that had been a very fair employer. I went to the party, and then walked him home (in a wheelchair, at that point). He wept the whole way home, knowing the end was very near.
My mother lost one of the two special people on the planet that loved her with their hearts and souls. The other person was her sister, who, believe it or not, died just two weeks later. I weep now for her losses, and mine, too.

Unstructured Time

2005-02-08T13:40:00.000-08:00

I have created some blocks of time in my week to get some big projects started (and hopefully done) by giving up some recurring obligations. Unfortunately, unstructured time means I get nothing done. I move piles of paper around the house, do email, listen to the radio, procrastinate, think of places I should go but don't, make a periodic phone call, and generally just enjoy being at home, looking at the desert and all the wonderful birds enjoying my new feeder with Spanish peanuts and dried papaya. If I don't get my errands run early in the morning, they just don't happen. Part of the problem is that the projects have a deadline that is not pressing, and deadlines are a huge motivator for me.

Horses At Cavalia

2005-02-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

I bought tickets to "Cavalia" for my family for Hanukkah, but accidentally got them during the Superbowl, assuring that the Philadelphia Eagles would be in it. Well, the Superbowl was disappointing, despite McNabb's efforts and TO coming in to save the day. The horses at "Cavalia" -- let's see -- they were fantastic. It was such a weird event, with the bleachers inside the tent and multi-media images and holograms flashing on curtains that were sometimes fabric, sometimes water. The acrobatics are something I could take or leave; the modern jazz/interpretive dance was to keep you entertained between the horse performances and the live new-age music was enjoyable. In all, the set made me think of the Renaissance Fair. But back to the horses, the stars of the show. They performed in unison, without bridles or saddles, but for the love and adoration of their rider. The individual (and stubborn) personalities came through, all the way from the 19-month old stallion to the 19-year old stallion. Their manes and tails were crimped (my daughter said, although she yawned loudly during the entire performance). I was reminded of the performance I had seen in 1968 of the Lippazaner Stallions in Austria -- that was a more formal show than this -- as the horses really got to run freely in "Cavalia". They were very majestic. My husband graciously gave up most of the Superbowl, only to watch the 4th quarter and see the chance of a win slip away from his beloved Eagles. It was a weird weekend, and one that I am glad is over.

Bickering

2005-02-01T21:34:00.000-08:00

Each day we seem to bicker about the details surrounding the upcoming Bat Mitzvah. The religious training is going smoothly and is under control. Everything else is out of control, resulting in arguing every day over varied expectations and good ways to meet all expectations. It is going to be a long six months at this rate. But whatever it takes, the outcome will include an amazing performance by my amazing daughter, a Torah portion by my husband, a Hebrew blessing by me and lots of support and encouragement for her from both of us.

Trying Too Hard?

2005-01-30T19:43:00.000-08:00

I signed my daughter up for a weekend event this weekend. She had attended last year and we had two out-of-town girls stay with us during the event. So, this year, I naturally signed up again, and requested the same girls. With good intentions, it bombed from start to finish -- no kids her age at the event and a mismatch of a house guest.
As your kids get older, you don't know what to do or what not to do. But, you do know that you love your child more than it could be imagined, and you are willing to sacrafice your weekend, for better or for worse. And, as she reminded me, "you are treating me like a child."

"Stalking Awareness Month"

2005-01-27T21:41:00.000-08:00

Arizona is one of only three states acknowledging "Stalking Awareness Month." One of every 12 women will be stalked in her lifetime according to the National Center for Victims of Crime. The Governor called on the state to increase awareness of the issue and for stalking victims to know the resources available to them. It became a crime in Arizona in 1995, with increased penalties in 1998.
And, to that, we say Amen.

Reading

2005-01-25T18:53:00.000-08:00

In the past week, I have read two books for my book lovers club. I love to read and I read quickly, but I cannot control my reading time. I always read longer than I should, and it then cuts into time I should be doing something else. It results in some serious procrastination for doing minutes, working on taxes, and of course, housecleaning.
I would go to the library every Friday when I was in elementary school and carry home as many (or often, more) than I could hold in my arms. I woke up at about 5:30 am, reading until it was time to wake my father up at 7 a.m. I mostly read Dewey Decimal 921., or biographies. As I grew older, I still liked to read, but, in order to manage the time and not be so compelled to keep reading, I began reading the last chapter to see what happened. Then I could read the rest and not have to find out the ending; it kind of took the pressure of the "needing to know" now. The last book I remember staying up and reading straight through to the end was "Kane and Abel".
I admire people that can read a book in manageable amounts of time or have several going at once. It requires much more self control than I must have.

Caretakers

2005-01-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

It occurs to me that I know three people who are daily caretakers for others, not to say that we all don't do some caretaking for other people or our planet each day. But these three folks have their lives significantly impacted by the need to manage another person. They are different -- one has a sick husband, one has an elderly, ill mother and the other a Downs child - but each do what they need to do with incredible grace, forethought and love. I am honored to know each of them and have tremendous respect for the burdens they carry daily, and wish them each some joy each day. That is really what love is, I think.

The End Of A Day of Cleaning

2005-01-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

I spent the day cleaning, my most unfavorite activity. I get crabby, irritable, and generally unpleasant. I worked most of the day, getting the house neater for my daughter's friend's birthday party. An impromptu sleepover has sprung up -- and I am now folding laundry, hanging clothing, and dusting my bedroom. I have trouble staying in one room and retaining focus, but a good radio talk show or favorite TV show will keep me from wandering. Tonight is the return of "Monk", my current favorite, crazy show. And, for the entire evening, until a new episode at 10 p.m., there is a "Monk" marathon. That's a great ending for a day of cleaning. I have a big smile on my face -- it's so quirky and I love it.

Under The Weather?

2005-01-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

I am certain my husband thinks I am under the weather in order to avoid "The Pirates of Penzance," but, the truth is, I don't feel 100%. I won't go into detail, but we have been passing a cold or flu around our house for the past few weeks -- but, then, who hasn't been? The Arizona Theatre Company is really accomodating in needing to change tickets for season subscribers, even at the last minute. Twice last year on the day of the show, (once with an illness en route to the theatre; another with a traffice diversion that had not been announced on the Dept. of Highways website) they changed our tickets for later performances. Hats of to them for being so nice! And I will try to get to the play next weekend. Really, my fingers are not crossed.

Evening Activities

2005-01-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Since retiring from a real job, I have tried to contain my activities and obligations to the daytime hours, to be available to do things with my daughter and husband in the evening. Over time, the number of evening obligations have increased. I really like only to have one such event per week, but this week, I ended up with two events, making it a busy week. My husband has a rare evening event as well this week as he is attending a college alumni party, in addition to driving to my daughter's evening dance classes and her other various religious obligations.
Once each month, I have Bunco, an HOA Board meeting and a Committee meeting, but rarely do they fall in the same week. This week, I also have a CPR class required for teaching my exercise classes. I joined a Book Club, but have only gone once as I did not read the last book. There is another politcal Book Club of interest, but I also did not read that book as it sounded boring. We are also getting appointed to be Precinct Committeemen this month, which will yield another meeting to attend.
So, all in all, something's got to give, but not sure how or what.

For My Next Trick

2005-01-08T10:08:00.000-08:00

I am so embarrassed. I signed the family up to volunteer in a booth for the SHADE Foundation at the finish line of the P.F. Chang's Marathon. We woke up today under the weather, so I called and said we were sick and couldn't come. The Volunteer Coordinator said "it is tomorrow." Oh goodness gracious, how did I do that? I originally put it on Saturday in my calendar, when I signed up, and, despite all the articles about the race, traffic congestion, road closures, etc., never noticed that it was on Sunday. How did I do that? I do know that the last race I walked in was on a Saturday. It worked out better to be home today for the beginning of our exterior house painting, but I will be continuing to wonder how I made such a silly mistake.

Things Always Take Longer Than You Think They Will

2005-01-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson is that things will always take longer than you think they will. For example, today I had an appointment at the car dealer for some warranty repairs. But it took 3 hours, longer than the 1.5 hours as promised. It is a lovely place to wait, with food, good coffee, magazines and a desk to do all the things I carry around to do while waiting, but I just wasn't wanting to sit still that long. Doctor appointments, errands, shopping, etc. always take longer than planned, leading to procrastination. I try to only plan one such thing per day to allow for the expanded time needs, but somedays it is just frustrating. Minor, compared to life after the tsunami, having to do two or three jobs in order to support your family or being in a battlefield in Iraq...but annoying nonetheless.

I Feel A Little Sad

2005-01-02T21:50:00.000-08:00

All the holiday lights are down and the New Years fireworks are finished at Rawhide. The streets are quiet and dark again, and for some reason, I feel a bit sad as we enter the New Year. Our house did not get as cleaned and organized as planned and we missed several of the movies we had hoped to see. On the other hand, we had a few special days of vacation in San Francisco, just making us want more of that kind of time. Our daughter is getting older and, with that, harder to understand, making parenting more of a challenge.
I look forward to many things this year; I dread just as many. But I am appreciating being alive, healthy and will do my best to experience the full range of emotions in the year to come.

Let Me Be The First To Welcome You To....

2005-01-01T00:50:00.000-08:00

A new little catchphrase emerged for my husband and I in the past week, borrowed from the airlines upon landing in the airport of your destination: "Let me be the first to welcome you to ..." At midnight, the beginning of 2005, my husband wished me "Happy New Year" and said "Let me be the first to welcome you to 2005!" To a year of good things, good health and some time to laugh, as well as healing for those struck by the earthquake and tsunami in Asia. Our midnight was capped by the final New Year's fireworks at Rawhide. We will miss them in 2006.

Heard In The Car Today

2004-12-30T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have to laugh each time I think of what my husband said in the car today as he made a legal u-turn: "I love driving adventures." It was so cute, but I don't know what he is referring to. We have two SUVs and never do off-road driving, purposefully, that is. And when in the car, I am usually complaining about long rides or, if driving, cursing at other drivers. So, I will chuckle as I wonder what he meant by driving adventures.

Looking Forward

2004-12-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

I have a hard time revisiting the past. On our recent vacation, we visited the area where we used to live, seeing a couple people from our past. But we intended to go see our old house, look up the neighbors, take some photos, but decided, when we were there, that we did not care about doing that.
I am weird in that I don't ever take pictures, or even think of taking a camera. I rarely, if ever, look at old photos or letters as I find it makes me uncomfortable to think about earlier times in my life. That is not to say they were not happy, with nice people and good memories, but I find that I am very focused in the present and looking forward. I was on the "not found" list for my 20th high school reunion (I found out later) and would not have gone if even if they had found me. I am also not very good at staying in touch with long-time friends, though I have been trying to be better about that since my breast cancer treatment ended.
Why am I writing this? Well, I have been thinking about the fact that I don't like looking back and wondering why that is. I thought if I wrote it down, it might help me figure it out.

The Passage of Time

2004-12-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

Today a series of unrelated thoughts were connected by one theme -- the passage of time. I feel sad as it is coming close to ten years that my father died and how many lives were changed by his passing. I am thinking that it is only two months since Rabbi Silberman died, and how my sadness is still so strong. It is particularly intense when I am at synagogue reading (and I can read the Hebrew, thanks to Rabbi Silberman's wife being so patient) the prayers -- and I cannot imagine how his wife could ever attend a service without hearing him chanting in her head. I remarked on how comfortable the time passing can be in a relationship can be after 21 years of marriage. And how only seconds pass between the times our 12-year old is pleasant and then, suddenly, miserable. I see the depth of sadness my husband feels as he acknowledges that his mother has been gone over 20 years. And I was really unhappy about the length of time it took for our order to arrive while out at dinner tonight. Yes, that does seem petty compared to the other thoughts. It is easier to think about the many time annoyances in the present, rather than generate sadness from reflecting on times that have passed.

Badly Behaved

2004-12-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

I am feeling badly that I behaved so poorly at Safeway today. I was no different than any other impatient, frustrated, annoyed customer, but I have really tried to not do that any more and to focus on being nice and staying positive. But Safeway just hits my button and I turned into an unpleasant person. I know I am not imagining it as the person behind me was staring at me while in line, thinking I was a rude jerk. OK, I was. So, I don't really do it often, and thought maybe I could go apologize to the checker and bagger. And at least I wasn't on my cell phone while behaving badly. But, my conclusion is that it is probably better just not to repeat my behavior and NOT to shop at Safeway, which triggers my rude behavior in the first place.

Sadness and Anger Downstream

2004-12-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I could do a Tash Lich ceremony for all the sadness and anger in the world. Tash Lich is the symbolic tossing away of sins in the water on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, and is such a powerful symbolism. When I hear about the burdens people carry in their daily lives and their frustrations or sadness, it seems like you should just be able to help them send them away, down stream, out to the universe, off their shoulders.
When we took our Salvation Army Christmas Angels donations and gifts in tonight, there were so many more on the trees for the taking. We were thinking that we could take several more and help those kids have a happier holiday, even if it was just for one day with one gift. I love that my husband feels the same way about trying to help others in some small way when we can -- it gave him such joy tonight to deliver all the items we carefully selected from the childrens' wish lists. I am so thankful for that as we like doing the Angels each year as our little special project.

Bat Mitzvah Blahs

2004-12-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

The Bat Mitzvah weekends for my daughter's friends are slowing down for a month. Each event represents an entire weekend of catering to the times and location of the event and parties. The services are in the morning, followed by lunch. Then she is whisked home to rest and prepare for the evening dinner dance. Adorned with makeup and entire outfits, she joins her friends to dance the night away. We have the honor of picking up and bringing her home, only to have an early wakeup call for Hebrew School on Sunday morning. It is so awesome that she is attending these with her friends, but it is difficult for us to do anything that we want or need to do. She has no time for anything else while at home (laundry, other chores, etc. ) and we are not even mentioning homework or studying for a test.
All these weekend shindigs point to the fact that we must decide how, what and, most importantly, when and where her event and celebration will be. We are weary of discussing alternative scenarios, and are no closer to deciding what we choose for her Bat Mitzvah. The religious significance of the events she attends is lost on her. And, though she has excellent Hebrew reading skills, I think it is more a matter of enduring the training and ceremony in order to have the best party. Foremost on her mind is the kind of music that we will allow the disc jockey to play -- will the curse words have to be bleeped out in the rap and hiphop songs? Well, actually, I guess we do know one thing about her Bat Mitzvah ...and that is, that the words will be bleeped out.

Role Models

2004-12-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

How does one help their child become a good person? It seems logical that being a good role model is the best, but it seems that the kids would prefer learning (or is imitating?) their friends. I think the challenge is getting your kid to emulate someone of character, not following the lead of a glitzy, seemingly selfish friend. How much can you push, forbid, discuss, without being totally tuned out?
I just don't know and am trying new strategies all the time. Maybe you should just be grateful for the few moments of kindness and awareness that surface once in a while. Or if they shock you with vulnerability, followed by a remarkable success. Which ever it is, all too soon, they will be grown up and gone, and you will miss them terribly, as frustrating as they are.

Being Jewish at Christmas Time

2004-12-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

Being Jewish at Christmas is a lonely business. Yes, there is Hanukkah, but it is only played up to make the Jewish kids not feel badly about gifts and celebrations. I know there was a miracle of lights with oil not expected to last for 8 days, but it still has become commercialized over my lifetime. When I was young, there were no available decor items, but my mother made styrofoam figures of menorahs and rams at Sisterhood meetings. These were decorated with blue and gold bric-a-brac and sequins. There was nothing open, so your only option was to be the first people on the ski slopes Christmas Day. Denny's was open, as indicated by the fact that most of their locations did not even have locks on their doors until about 10 years ago.
In recent times, grocery stores are open part of the day for last minute stuff. As recently as four years ago, Blockbuster was closed, with Christmas as a "free" extra day; now they are open. And this year, some new movies are actually coming out on Christmas Day -- a definite sign of change. I have grown to appreciate the family sentiments of getting everyone together and the lifelong memories that are reflected in ornament collections. I adore the wonderful yard and house decorations and displays that grow more elaborate each year. I cannot resist the urge to go shopping for all the sales and special merchandise available at this time of the year.
But Christmas also makes you feel like the minority that we are (in the last election, 2% of the voters in Arizona were Jewish, the same percentage that were African-American). It also helps you realize how George Bush was able to be successful by using the church pulpits to garner votes for the last four years. For us, this year, Christmas falls on Shabbat. Sounds like going to services may be just the thing to do this year on December 25.

Hanukkah

2004-12-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

I have a hard time getting excited about Hanukkah. Last year I could not find the menorahs and decorations and we used votive candles lined up each night for our blessings. This year, it is a miracle --as is the story of Hanukkah -- the box of menorahs appeared. We lit one for each of us, and opened the first night gifts. My daughter had gotten hers early as she wanted to wear it and I got the family a Hanukkah party box, filled with eight nights of games and activities. It is a good thing for us as I run out of things to do after eating latkes and giving a few gifts. Don't get me wrong -- I love to give gifts to my husband and daughter year round and I add on a few others (mostly kids) for Hanukkah. But I am not a crafty sort, so decorations are scant due to my lack of interest in making them. I like potato latkes, but they are greasy and we try not to eat lot of potatoes. For our daughter's sake, we are lighting the candles and acknowledging the miracle. For me, the miracle is more that we are together, healthy and happy most of the time.

Insomnia

2004-12-06T07:22:00.000-08:00

I had horrible insomnia last night, as a result of NOT doing the proper winding down before bed. My mind raced; it was cold; the rain and snoring were loud, and I could not get comfortable. That is, until at 2:43 a.m. I climbed into my daughter's bed, piled with yummy comforters. She had told me last week it was her bed and she was spreading out to sleep, so that I would not come in during the night. But I thought last night was ok, as it is exactly 12 years to the day that we came into each other's lives. That first night, in our hotel room, we all slept huddled. That first night, she had this odd thing of tucking her tiny toes under my back to fall asleep. Last night, when I snuck into her bed, she (while still asleep) cuddled over towards me and stuck her now-bigger feet under my back.
Guess what! I fell asleep immediately.

Mitzvah Day

2004-12-05T21:26:00.000-08:00

Another annual Mitzvah Day has ended -- our group of 200 plus volunteers made over 8000 peanut butter and fluff (marshmallow) sandwiches. It was fun to be part of the event, and some of the people were really pushy, but more were really sincere. There was a guy and his son who came early, set up tables, worked straight through with a smile. There was a woman with her young son that worked as an amazing team, with the mom scraping the jars clean as if it was her own food she was stretching. Some brought unwrapped toys to donate. All in all, these sandwiches will make meals for many homeless people, particularly as they can be frozen for later use.
As the late Rabbi Herbert Silberman said in his Rosh Hashana remarks last September, it is important to try to help others more than just once a year. He stressed the importance of doing good deeds and praying every day, just for five minutes or sharing five cents. He would have been so proud of everyone working at all the Mitzvah projects today, urging them, in his gentle way, to do more. I so miss my weekly classes with him and his precious wife -- they imparted so much of themselves in the way they taught. This Mitzvah Day would not be complete without my taking a moment to acknowledge their special impact in my life, and on all the people that surrounded them.

Dining Out -- Proceed With Caution

2004-12-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

A recent list of tips garnered by a food critic in 13 years of dining out prompted us to think of our own ideas. The article is found at this link, with some great indicators of a good and bad restaurant experience, compiled by Howard Seftel, food critic for "The Arizona Republic."
My list follows:
1. Any restaurant that does NOT have a big pepper mill is not worth eating at.
2. If you do not want butter, olive oil should be available for dipping on request. Or, vice versa, for that matter.
3. If your server does not know the specials of the day, and you have to go outside to read them on the chalkboard, don't go back in. (Ed. note: we recently ate somewhere that happened and did not follow this advice.) Bad meal ahead.
4. If your server has to look at the menu to see what you are ordering, excuse yourself to the bathroom and leave while you still can. (Ed. note: we were once the first order ever taken by a new server, and have never sat through such a long dinner....ever, even in Brazil or France.)
5. If you are seated and no one acknowledges you within 5 minutes, take that as a hint and get out, as it will only get worse.
6. If your non-smoking table is adjacent to a smoking section, you may as well sit in smoking. (I won't do either). Or, if you placed at a small table squeezed by the kitchen door, you should take the hint -- either they don't want you there or you are being racially profiled.
7. If you have a food allergy to chicken and are accidentally served chicken, you should expect an apology from the Manager and/or Maitre'D (unless it is Maggiano's Little Italy and you are not dressed up to their standards, in which case they will just blow you off. Then you will NEVER return and will badmouth them whenever possible.)
8. If a party seated after you gets served bread before you do, just leave (if you are with me, that is, or the rest of the meal will be torture for you.)
9. If the floor is dirty, and the bathroom has not been attended to for hours (or days), take the hint. Steal some hard candies on your way out. Only take matches if they are the wooden ones.
10. Try to identify the key parties in your dining success: your server, your busperson, the expediter and the manager. You may need any or all of them.
11. If your server tells you that it is their first day, and to please be patient -- ring your own cellphone or pager, politely apologizing that you have just been called to do an emergency surgery.
That's it for now....

Home Dental Care

2004-12-01T07:20:00.000-08:00

The dental hygienist reported to my husband recently that I needed to do better home dental care. Well, that annoyed me as it was a breach in patient confidentiality AND I don't know how she would have known since I switched to the other hygienist in the office as she does a more thorough job.
I must confess that my husband is the role model for home dental care. He loves toothpastes of all sorts and different dental apparatus. If I buy a new toothpaste, flossing device or mouthwash, we know he will be using it within the first 10 minutes it is in the house. And that is a good thing -- a few years ago, when it was discovered that placque could contribute to heart disease, he was already doing massive home dental care. Now, that it is evident that poorly cleaned teeth can increase chances of pneumonia, I am anticipating an increase in the number of brushings daily. Under his sink in the bathroom there is a bin with about five new brushes and at least 8 new tubes of toothpaste. We bought those roller things for the tubes as, in his haste and excitement to brush, often the tubes are capless and squeezed at the top. For me, I am so glad he is enjoying himself that I don't care about the tubes being squeezed at the top or left open and besides, I like different toothpastes than he does. I loved that old powder toothpaste that you poured on your brush.
Both my husband and daughter love those Brushups, the portable toothbrushing wipe. And my daughter, currently in braces, has done a phenomenal job of taking care of her teeth in braces. Our dentist suggested she could be the poster child for kids to do good dental care. As for me, I look forward to seeing what is new in the toy box when I go.

Why People Procrastinate

2004-11-30T10:43:00.000-08:00

Having just had one huge procrastination for two sets of minutes, I was wondering why I do it. And I searched the web for info. The University of Cambridge, in the UK, has a Counselling website with "Help for Common Problems". It was very insightful, funny and, as odd it sounds, helpful for me to figure out why I have procrastinated since 5th grade. I had to do a state report (on Mississippi) and waited until the last night. I was upset in the night, told my father, and he got up and helped me. Now, this was 1962 and the first of many times my father rescued me. There was no Internet, obviously, but thank goodness for "The World Book." Each time I think I will learn a lesson, I just do it again. I had to find out why I just keep on doing it.

Here are some excerpts from the University of Cambridge and my comments are shown as Ed. note (Editor's Notes):

"What is procrastination?
The avoidance of doing a task which needs to be done - postponing until tomorrow what can be done today. Procrastination not only affects a person's work, but also commonly involves feelings such as guilt, inadequacy, self-disgust, stress and depression. Often we try to disguise our avoidance by being very busy doing things that may be interesting, and even useful, but don't contribute towards the main goal - even doing something we normally hate - rather than writing, for example, just before an essay deadline! (Ed. note: I can always find interesting useful things to do!)

Why do people procrastinate?
- Poor time management, often associated with a distorted sense of the time available
- An inability to prioritize overload of tasks at a specific time
- Anxiety about the task, so time is spent worrying rather than doing
- Difficulty concentrating (Ed. note: right on!)
- Not knowing what is required
- Feeling overwhelmed by the task(s)
- Concern about failing or not meeting your own standards
- Fear of success and its possible consequences
- Perfectionism, often associated with unrealistic standards
- Negative feelings - e.g. "I'm stupid", "nothing ever goes right for me"
- All-or-nothing thinking, where one setback is seen as a total catastrophe (Ed. note: Bingo!)
- Being bored by the task (Ed. note: Ditto!)
- Never having learned how to work or sort out problems while at school or living at home
- Avoidance of things which are disliked or difficult (Ed. note: Mega-Ditto!)

How to overcome procrastination?
Overcoming procrastination usually involves both better organizational and time-management skills as well as a clearer understanding of its personal or emotional meaning. .....
Here are some suggestions to get started:
- Accept that there is no magic wand: you will have to do the task! (Ed. note: I used to wait for elves to come to my office at night when I was working!)
Identify goals and make realistic decisions about how to do the tasks, and prioritize.
Try changing the words "have to" and "can't" to "choose to" and "choose not to" - this won't always be true, but it will probably be more honest most of the time.
Take account of the sort of person you are, of your values and your expectations. Assess whether these "fit" with the way in which you are trying to tackle the task - do you need a new approach with which you will be more comfortable?
Recognise self-defeating behaviour and its associated thinking. Set a time limit for the planning stage(s). Plan a (small) section and then work on it. Whilst spending time planning is very useful, here's a word of warning to those who make very detailed plans which go wrong within an hour and are then ripped up in disgust - plans need to be flexible! Don't plan all the hours in the day; leave plenty of unplanned times and spaces - to allow for things taking longer than expected, and for you to have extra time for relaxation when they don't!
Break down tasks into manageable bits. Set yourself small goals - to read one chapter; to write 1 page; to work for 45 minutes, take a 15 minute break and then do another 45 minutes work.
Boost your motivation. Dwell on your strengths, on tasks you have accomplished and feel good about, in order to remind yourself that you can be successful.
Give yourself rewards when you accomplish something. (Ed. note: I try punishment; i.e. not eating or sleeping until the project is done!)
When you are getting stuck, rather than just stopping work, try a different strategy - take a pencil and an old, half-used piece of paper out of the bin, and scribble unplanned and unstructured notes and ideas to yourself for the task in hand. Or start on a different section of the piece (you don't have to work from the beginning to the end), picking the least demanding in thought or creativity.
Quite often procrastination is connected to anxieties about the quality of the work you hope (or fear) you will produce! At times like this, it is worth remembering that it's better to produce something rather than nothing! (Ed.note: if that is true, perhaps I am a perfectionist?)
Where to seek more help - when you can get round to it..."

HaHa! When you can get round to it.....

Vacation and a Pre-teen

2004-11-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

We cannot seem to get our daughter to understand that we have to sacrafice a winter vacation in order to accomodate her Winter Camp session. It is a short session and last year we tried to squeeze a trip in the 5 days. But she doesn't seem to get that we would like her to help us come up with a plan that would work for both of us, and each time we bring it up, she says, "Why are you trying to make me feel bad?" So, we could punish her for the selfishness, but then we would all be punished if she moped around the house, we argued about tv and computer time and generally all had a horrible time. We have examined many options, and seem to reach no conclusion, except that she goes to camp, and we stay home and clean out the garage. We could possibly take her somewhere with us, but a short trip yesterday to Trader Joe's, Goodwill and an herb store (it was filled with a potent incense smell and she dramatically plugged her nose and ran out the door) proved that would be really miserable for all involved. So, we will miss the Seinfeld performances in Las Vegas. And reflect on good times of vacations past.

A Day of Mixed Feelings

2004-11-27T11:59:00.000-08:00

It is a season filled with ads for things to buy everywhere. But it is also a time for giving, and lots of places are in need of food, funds and gifts to help others through the holiday season. I cry as I read the stories of others who have opened their hearts to those in need.
It is hard to balance those haves and have-nots, when we have been in a situation ourselves when shopping trips were merely looking and thinking of what we would like to buy, if we ever could. Our daughter had a sleepover last night with a wonderful friend, whose father lost his computer programming job 6 months ago, courtesy of GWB and friends. Today's paper had a blurb that she had won an award for a "Character Counts" essay. And we shared Thanksgiving with a family, where the dad who works in the non-profit world, had his job eliminated, also courtesy of GWB. These folks outfit themselves and their house with garage sale finds.
Reportedly, people are spending cautiously, not knowing what the economy holds after the election. I see four years and more ahead with lots more folks losing jobs, not being able to make ends meet or having the funds to consider spending. All the while, GWB and his friends will be reaping the benefits of tax cuts and destroying the environment.
In our personal respose, we are engaged in a massive giveaway of stuff we don't use, need or cannot fit into. It is one way of clearing out space, in a Feng Shui method, to allow good energy and health into our home. It is also helps us feel like we are doing something to make it easier for other people who don't have adequate resources or stuff.
We have our car loaded with bags of clothing and household goods to pass on to others. A small step to making it better, but if everyone took one small step, it would result in a big one...

Hot Holiday Gift Projections

2004-11-25T09:17:00.000-08:00

I am assembling a list of hot holiday gifts from today's review of the paper. I cannot proceed without mentioning that there are many who need food, clothing, shelter and jobs as their gifts for the holiday season.
The newest things you didn't know you needed:
- the creme brulee making set, complete with some sort of hot, blasting tool.
- a knit shrug, seen in the Old Navy ad. It is a half-sweater thing that is totally cute. If it fits, I am buying one for myself.
- a Hot Wing fryer, which is self-explanatory and is probably promoted by the maker of Lipitor.
- the George Foreman grill with removable plates for cleaning. That is a refinement on an already great product.
- the electric jar opener that opens jars in some kind of contraption. On the surface, an unnecessary gift, but for those with arthritis or no strength in their arms, it could be a valuable addition to their kitchen. It took me 4 days to open a jar of artichoke hearts, banging and smashing it on stuff until it finally opened.
- alternatives to the video game dance programs, that don't have a visual component. These have a sound setup, with dance mats, and are battery operated or include CDs with the music. It is a good gift for those who are without video game equipment, us included. The sweetest one is a ballet mat, with a bar and a DVD for a personal ballet lesson.
- one of several varieties of the single-shot coffee makers. I have seen the Keurig one at the car dealer, but there is a Phillips, Melitta and Black and Decker one worth investigating. It will depend on how strong the coffee would be, if herbal teas are available in the proper form factor and what coffee brands are available. These are important facts for a tea blender and coffee snob.
- My husband predicts a great business in cameras, and DVD recorders.

Giving Thanks

2004-11-24T21:57:00.000-08:00

I am thankful, as Thanksgiving approaches, for my husband and daughter.
I am thankful for our home, health and safety, as well as the kindess and love we have from our special circle of friends and family.
I am sad for those in less fortunate situations, without food, security and a peaceful home environment.
I feel sad for those separated from their families while serving in Iraq and for those that are home but treat their families and others in an evil way.
I feel sad for those aching with pain over the recent loss of a loved one and desperately trying to fill that void on a holiday.
I understand the love that mother feels in order to drive for hours to take a home-cooked meal to her son, a soldier serving in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Since he and his co-workers cannot go further than one hour from the base, she is taking the meal to him and 20 friends.
I am thankful we have each other to celebrate a very non-traditional Thanksgiving.
If only the world, and the people in it, could be at peace for one day...

Holiday Shopping Frenzy

2004-11-24T07:52:00.000-08:00

For the past two years, we have joined the throngs at really early shopping the day after Thanksgiving. We did it, the first time, for a portable DVD player and it was pretty busy at CompUSA. Last year we hit Best Buy for a MP3 player and $5 DVDs. That was a mob scene, starting with fisties in the parking lots and a long, long, long line. People would bring their cellphones, station one family member in line and then call each other with what they had gotten, ultimately piling it all on the person in line. I chatted with the airline pilot behind me as we waited as he piled up DVDs to watch on his layovers. My husband promises to bring his cell phone this year to make it easier, though we have not watched most of the DVDs we bought.
This Turkey Day we are planning to do lots of giveaways to local charities and thrift shops, as well as get some angel cards from the Salvation Army trees in the mall. But we will also be scouring the inserts to decide our destination early Friday morning. Target is trying to influence people their way with creative, free wakeup calls, timed to coincide with getting you there for their 6:30 am opening. Yes, we will be in line somewhere, clamouring for something we don't really need. But, for us, it is the excitement and curiosity of being part of the phenomena, seeing who is buying what and all the related buyer and seller dynamics.
I had to laugh out loud at the introduction to the holiday shopping on the Lands End website, one of my favorite online shopping destinations. I have included the portion that made me laugh, as I am guilty with participating in the annual consumer ritual of "Day after Thanksgiving" shopping.

" Friday, the doors of every store in America will open wide to the teeming multitudes. If you're not one to relish the press of the crowd, we're pleased to present you with a less tumultuous option. ....with this list of helpful hints:
• Sleep in! No need to get up at 5:00 in the morning unless you expect a crowd of several thousand lunatics to make a mad dash for your computer. And since your computer won't be standing on its feet all day waiting on overwhelmed shoppers, the chances of it snapping at you are slim.
• If shopping online feels strange to you, try this: after breakfast, get dressed, gather up your lists and get in the car. Drive around for half an hour. Park about three blocks away from home and walk back. Does that seem more familiar? Good. Next, pour yourself a cup of coffee, turn on the computer and relax. And if you choose to shop while wearing only your underwear, no one will run away screaming.".....

No comment on my part about shopping in my underwear, but the rest of it was too funny! Thank you, Lands End, for a great morning chuckle.

Weekend of Emotional Contrasts

2004-11-22T23:04:00.000-08:00

This past weekend had lots of emotional highs and lows. It started with the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk. I did not plan to walk the 5 miles, but the team assembled by my neighbor had such nice women, that we were talking and right when I decided I couldn't go further, we were almost at the end. My neighbor, also a survivor, and I, cried when we saw 8,000 people walking for the cause. My daughter was a route marshall volunteer and it was so sweet to see her as we passed by.
I then went to the Fall League World Series game with my husband. Usually there are a total of 20 people in the stands; it was crowded and it was a blast. Aside from the friendly people seated in our section, including some A level Oakland A's from Modesto, the up and coming stars were fun to watch. We liked Ryan Howard and Huston Street, cheering for both. Turns out the people across the aisle were Street's parents and we met them after the game, as they were probably bursting with pride as the sportswriters surrounded him after saving the game. His proud parents thanked us for "hollering for our son." My husband says he is the next Eck. And, best of all, though he often walks slowly, my husband gets to these Fall League games and runs, with his camera, to take pictures of the players. This time, we stayed for the trophy presentation, team celebration and to get autographs as the players left. It was so much fun that my face hurt from smiling so much, and so delightful to see him have such a great time.
We took our daughter to babysit a Downs classmate that night. She is so sweet with him and it gives his parents to have respite and go out to dinner. The two classmates danced the night away to Dance Dance Revolution and played games. Last year, her 6th grade teacher had told us that she was so gentle with him in class. She has so much empathy and a big heart, even though sometimes she seems to only see one foot in front of her face.
Sunday brought a really annoying carpool experience (aren't they supposed to make it less stressful?) followed by a lovely afternoon visiting a friend who had surgery. My husband had prepared a delicious meal to take over. The time flew by and I saw her Christmas tree filled with ornaments from a lifetime of family memories.
To conclude the weekend, we attended a wine tasting at a neighbor's house. She was amazing and had recently run for Congress. Now she is representing the US in various countries to improve the role and rights of women. What a fascinating political discussion and so heartening in that you are actually talking to someone that is doing something to make the world a better place. The weekend ended on a high note, and I didn't even think too much about how much I hate George Bush.

Middle School Mom

2004-11-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

As a middle school mom, I know I don't want to have to live through that time again. But, I am, as part of helping my daughter survive. I volunteer each week in the school office, to allow me a glimpse into the world she faces daily. And, frankly, I think she's doing well considering. It has helped me know how the system works to move up one level in Math.
But I am stymied by a situation with a bullying classmate, bordering on harrassment. It is one of those things, that if reported to the school counselors, would probably make the situation worse. I try, each night, to tuck my daughter into bed and kiss her good night. Some nights, we talk at bedtime, about her day, friends, thoughts, etc. Last night, she was furiously knitting as she was anxious about going to school. We talked long enough for her to make almost a whole scarf as she shared her situation and concerns. I am so thankful she is willing to talk to me; I just wish I had the magic answer to help her. Yes, if only I could snap my fingers and/or wiggle my nose...

New Travel Concept

2004-11-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

A different concept for travel planning seems to have potential for us -- event-based travel.
My list would include:
- Eagles concerts (others could be considered);
- Seinfeld performances (others could also be considered);
- restaurant reservations (Morimoto's, Shiro's, lots of others too numerous to mention here);
- dog-related events (Dockdogs, wienerdog races);
- sporting events or sports-related (Minor League baseball, seeing the Eck plaque at Cooperstown)
- visiting the home studio of a favorite artist (VanDyke Jones, Brian Andreas);
- outstanding Farmer's Markets or food-related factories (olive oil and vinegar creators, pickled vegetable or olive makers).

You could fly somewhere, drive in a rented RV or just talk about all the above, which is what we mostly do.

Movie Phrases II

2004-11-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

If I don't write these movie phrases down, they will rattle around in my head.
- "Show me the money."
- "There's no crying in baseball."
- "Knife? That's not a knife."
- "I'll have what she's having."
- "Houston, we have a problem."
- "Remember, we met in the Hailie Selassi lounge."
- "He's cooking the garbage"...."Good song. Is that the Grassroots?"
( editor's note: I still listen to them)
- "I am averting my eyes, finally"....and from same actor, different movie,..."Arugula, it's a vegetable."
- "A man in a really nice camper......."
---more to come I'm sure....We use so many expressions from movies in our daily household conversation, though most of them are offbeat and would not make the top 100. We may have to publish our own top 100 list.

Movie Phrases

2004-11-18T21:22:00.000-08:00

I read that the American Film Institute was having people vote on the 100 top movie phrases. I can only think of a few of them and am looking forward to seeing which ones win (though they already revealed several (7?) from "The Wizard of Oz."
Obviously "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," from "Gone With the Wind" will be one of the top. But will everyone have "That caviar is a garnish. You don't eat the garnish" from "You've Got Mail"? And there must be some phrase from the original "Ocean's Eleven", my favorite movie, but I cannot think of one that would be a contender. I suppose "Go to the mattresses" will be on everyone's list, as everyone quotes "The Godfather." Or Clint Eastwood, saying, "Make my day."
Certainly one that will not make the list, but is one of my favorites, is the scene in "Runaway Bride" when Julia Roberts gets on the FedEx truck. One guest says "I don't know where she is going, but she will be there by 10:00 am tomorrow." I laughed out loud in the theatre the first time I heard it, and still laugh each time I see the movie.

Living Your Ideals

2004-11-16T17:26:00.000-08:00

There is a place here in Phoenix called the Urban Farm. They have lots of classes, programs and information on organic fruit and vegetable farming. We went one year to their surplus sale where they gave their surplus organic vegetable and herb plants away to a good home, for a small donation. We planted them, and some actually have survived. They also sell organic citrus trees with assistance in caring for them. The farm is actually a series of beds and greenhouse behind a modest home in Central Phoenix, a truly remarkable farming situation. I admire Farmer Greg as he informs his email list of environmentally-related concerns and lives his ideals of organic farming.
Earlier this year, there was a fear of West Nile virus, so city leaders decided to spray different neighborhoods each night to prevent mosquitos. Few mosquitos were seen, but Farmer Greg tried to get people to write and go to hearings and get involved. It did not prevent spraying. One day, in my email, there was a message headed "The Urban Farm is no longer Organic." Seems Farmer Greg was sitting at his computer one night. The email went as follows:

"I have spent the last 15 years nurturing the space called the Urban Farm. Never once have I used toxic chemicals or nonorganic fertilizer in our space. Our intent here at the Urban Farm is to educate the community about natural methods of growing and nurturing vegetables and ruits. It is with great sadness that I send this announcement. It is Monday evening 10:41 pm and there is this funny sound outside. It happens to be the Maricopa County spraying truck fogging for mosquitoes. Which by the way I have not seen many of over the past two weeks. THE URBAN FARM AFTER 15 YEARS OF HARD WORK IS NO LONGER ORGANIC. The county took care of that and I am incredibly angry and sad. The county sprayed didn't bother telling me or any of my neighbors and some of them I know for a fact have evaporative coolers which bring the pesticide right into their homes. For the moment here is what we can do.... including calling the Public Health Information Officer and tell him you don't want spraying in your neighborhood."

I was moved to tears by his sadness and sincerity and wrote him an email that it was admirable that he was still working on his ideals to motivate people. His response was so touching:" Since they sprayed last night my mind has been racing as to what to do about it. I got your message and stopped to ponder...and too was in tears."
Since that fateful night, he has continued his quest for organic farming and quality of life. This last week, I got emails about the annual fruit tree sale and classes, and a cistern class for those wanting to capture and reuse rain water. The only place I ever knew that did that was the Masada in Israel, but that is another story.
The most thought provoking class is "Making your own Biodiesel Fuel’ - learn how to power your diesel engine on the leftover fry oil from your local restaurant. The oil is free and nothing needs to be done to your engine to use it. Learn how to make your own biodiesel fuel. This is a hands on workshop where we will actually make biodiesel."
I admire Farmer Greg for sticking to his ideals, making us all more aware of how we can try to control our environment, starting with the food that we put into our bodies. Farmer Greg is an example of someone who lives their ideals. That is the end of this story for now.

Book Clubs

2004-11-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to join a book club. I seldom take the time to read, though I love it. But, bifocals and having trouble sitting still make reading a luxury. Recently I was able to join a book club through our synagogue. We had family reading sessions, as part of encouraging our daughter to read. The first book, "The Bee Season", was about one of my favorite things -- spelling bees. Did you happen to catch the documentary from a few years ago called "Spellbound?"
The book club was low key, which is good as I am shy about sharing my thoughts or having to lead the discussion. Others had a different insight into the book. A movie has been filmed for this book, starring Richard Gere, whom I do not envision in the role. The books are on Jewish themes, mostly fiction, with a few non-fiction thrown in. Our next book is "Miriam's Kitchen", which I have started reading. I don't really like it so far, always judging a book by how I like the first 3 pages. I will try to get through it. The fellow book group people say the egg salad recipe is wonderful. It entails frying onions and mushrooms, then chopping them up with the hard-boiled eggs. It sounded really yucky to me, but perhaps it was due to the fact I read it late at night. The book after this is one that I may not even attempt to read as I think it will give me nightmares. Is there a "light and fluffy" book club anywhere?

Grief Is A Heavy Load

2004-11-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

I am struck by the fact that grief is a heavy load, and it would be so nice to put it down and just walk away. I happened to run into the late Rabbi Silberman's wife today as she was walking her dog, and we had a chance to talk. I think she is such a strong woman, with so much determination, that she will ultimately be ok. She will, however, be sad and in mourning forever as her life was so much of his life. We talked about a variety of things -- the election, her dog, her feelings and some of the things that they loved doing together like playing cribbage. I just wish I could do something to lighten her load. It seems that one danger of being so close is the crippling inability to continue, or finding a reason why you would even want to. I guess the lesson is to treasure each and every day as you don't what lies ahead. But that doesn't make it any easier in the end, I suspect.

One Week

2004-11-08T07:18:00.000-08:00

It's been one week since my last posting, and what a week it was! From the excitement, anticipation and hopefullness (is that a word?) before the election, to the sadness and hateful feelings that have emerged as we must look at GWB for one more term (minus a few days and counting). The exhilaration of working at the polls in a busy election cannot be conveyed, helping new voters, being part of the process -- a long day, with some creepy people (one of whom was a fellow poll worker) and some really thoughtful, positive folks. Fact is, I cannot wait to do it again. I cried at concession speeches, cursed at victory speeches and basically, felt the range of emotions that the Edwards family had to have experienced all in one day. The emails that followed that fateful day were a swarm of thank yous, energizing comments about fellow volunteers and the future.
A personal letdown, certainly, as the time and energy directed at the campaign process is over. What is next? New volunteer options? Helping a friend through breast cancer? Cleaning and organizing the house so we can invite people over and not have to apologize about the chaos? Classes at a new, nearby spinning studio? Planting a November garden? Hmmmmm. I am thinking about all these things and more. Procrastination is really a horrible thing, even if self imposed.

Halloween

2004-10-31T21:24:00.000-08:00

Halloween has come and gone. Thanks to my new attitude, appreciating the effort and creativity that people put into their costumes and decorations, I enjoyed the door duty tonight. My husband is great at identifying costume characters. My daughter unexpectedly went out with a friend and came home with a haul of candy. Sadly, she got NO "Good 'N Plenty", but she did share a "3 Musketeers." When we were in the store this afternoon, a clerk urged us to buy lots of candy so they would not have to pack it up tonight. I imagine, if I returned tomorrow, it will all be replaced by Christmas stuff, or maybe some Thanksgiving items.
But first, this week, there is the little matter of the election. Given that they are short 500,000 pollworkers nationwide, and the average age is 72, there are bound to be very short tempers among the voters waiting in lines on Tuesday, as these workers slowly (very slowly!) going through the rosters of voters. My precinct, where I am also assigned to work, is predominantly staffed by these senior workers, and they work at a slow and steady pace. Any pressure just flusters them and makes it even slower. It will be an interesting day, no doubt!

Cash Machine

2004-10-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like an endless cash machine for my daughter. We don't begrudge buying her what she needs, and often what she wants, and ask very little in return. There are a few chores she is supposed to do, but never does without prodding. There are times she is loving, courteous and thoughtful, and other times she is the most self centered person on the planet. I will periodically, like I did today, let her get something. Then, we come home to have her do nothing and complain about needing time to chill, rather than just get the few chores done as asked. I guess this is the dilemna of parenting. And tomorrow, it will start all over again. I am sure there is a good solution to this -- allowance, saying no, etc.

Lunar Eclipse

2004-10-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

Clouds covered most of the lunar eclipse tonight. We saw a bright, full moon, going in and out of clouds just as it started. Then, sitting in the backyard with my daughter, we saw a fully covered moon with a red tint , for just a short time as the clouds shifted by. It was a really wonderful hour, sitting, holding hands under a blanket, talking, looking to spot the beautiful moon. I guess only those souls in heaven, or above the clouds at least, got a full viewing. I know that Rabbi Silberman was one of those watching it from his perch high above, also hoping for a glimpse of his beloved widow as she too watched it from their yard. I hope that, as the clouds pass quickly through the sky and days go into weeks, her sadness is lessened. Though my cactus still has unopened buds, two of the neighbor's cactus were laden with flowers tonight, opening, obviously, in honor of the eclipse.

The Stars

2004-10-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we saw a play, "The Immigrant." One song, repeated throughout, had a chorus that said "the stars are brighter so we won't forget." I think that has a great deal of symbolism, but am writing it down now so that it will not roll loudly through my head all night. The stars tonight are particularly numerous and very bright. Perhaps the sky is preparing for the full eclipse that is coming on Wednesday evening. I am wishing for a bright, clear sky that night so we may observe it. Now, back to the stars, I am wondering what is it that I should not forget?

Humble and Appreciative

2004-10-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

A family we know at our synagogue today told us that the husband found out this week that his job was being eliminated. One of our daughter's friends is in a similar situation, considering selling their house to move in with in-laws as the savings dwindle. My heart aches for these families, as we have been in that situation. You want to hope that things will be ok, anxiety and depression are huge and fear is prevailing. We are wishing the very best for these families and other who have lost their jobs, health insurance, etc. I sure hope they get out and vote, exercising their right to change for the better. We are very appreciative for what we have, trying to be thankful each and every day.

Three Weeks

2004-10-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

It is three weeks today that Rabbi Herbert Silberman passed away. His passing has created sadness that cannot be described, for his amazing, courageous wife, of course, but also to members of the congregation, and to my husband and myself. He had such a gentle way of teaching, being and living that makes his absence so much more noticeable. The Bat Mitzvah today reflected his teaching, as he did the teaching of the Torah portion. But her speech mentioned seeing stars in the distance and only getting to know them up close when you take the time. That was what Rabbi Silberman did, in seeing the star inside each person and making it brighter. For now, he is with the stars, forever in their brightness.
This afternoon, we will relax, enjoy the sun and butterflies passing through the yard, marvel at the first crop of grapefruit on the tree, and be thankful that G-d created people like Rabbi Silberman to share their wisdom with us, even if it is just for awhile.

Birthday Horoscopes

2004-10-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

One fun thing about your birthday is the horoscope for the year ahead. The one online was different than the one in the newspaper. The one online was hauntingly accurate:
"Libra's Birthday Reading:
As you're cleaning house, you may discover a few painful memories. This tends to happen when you're on a quest for wisdom and satisfaction. They're just on the other side of acknowledgement, which is not the same as acceptance or condoning, by the way. Celebrity birthdays on October 19th: Evander Holyfield, John Lithgow, Robert Reed, Divine" (They forgot to mention Ty Pennington.)
The truth is that I have been avoiding cleaning out the garage as finding memories from my past is difficult and I would prefer not to revisit them. They are not that bad or anything, but painful in the way that you wince when you remember them, so it is easier to not have to face them.
The newspaper horoscope was so awesome: "You are personality plus this year, though you may not be able to make a dent when dealing with a stubborn domestic situation and/or real estate investment. Decide to focus on areas where you can make a difference. You are unusually lucky and beginning a new 11-year life and luck cycle....If you are attached, you might want to move or make a change in your family structure."
Gosh, that is promising -- 11 years of luck, making a difference! I am excited about the year ahead.

My 53rd Birthday is Tomorrow

2004-10-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

I am turning 53 tomorrow -- somedays I feel that age, but most of the time, in my mind, I picture myself much younger. That is probably a result of being stuck in music from 30 plus years ago. Birthday celebrations have always been a bit weird. As a child I was combined with a younger cousin and my brother who celebrated an altered birthday to get into kindergarten one year early. It was never on THE day and I never got my own cake, so I don't really expect that -- and I am not a cake person. Give me some crunchy cookies and I am happy.
But, as for the birthday, I like getting cards, wishes from my unusual circle of friends, some gifts from my family, and I like opening all the things I bought for myself. I met my husband 22 years ago around my birthday time and we like celebrating our birthdays together. For mine, we are attending the Evening Service; for his a Fall League baseball game. Some years I get phone calls from family with good wishes; I expect those to be few and far between this year. I am happy to be here to celebrate with my husband and daughter -- it really just comes down to that simple fact.

Common Sense and Courtesy

2004-10-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

Parenting is the hardest job I ever had, and I can't even take a day off. How does one balance the need to establish rules and guidelines, with wanting your child to have fun and be with friends? I think the need to walk the line is so difficult; you want to do the right thing, but then you end up driving all over the countryside and being disappointed when your child does not act as you would wish. She is a good, sweet girl, but she seems to have no sense of how her actions impact others, and in this case, her parents. Common sense and courtesy would go a long way, particularly when she has her own cell phone. I don't know the answer and hate being taken advantage of when I try to be flexible and understanding. Everyone just goes to bed feeling badly....and some people still wake up angry. I try not to do that, but ...

Is It A Quandary or A Conundrum?

2004-10-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I have a quandary, or a conundrum -- but I feel unsettled and don't know what to focus on. I guess, after watching "Farenheit 9/11" focusing on defeating Bush, Cheney and his band of crooks, liars and thieves is top priority. There are so many other things rolling around in my mind --- not even sure where to start listing them. More coffee is a good start.

Talking About Money

2004-10-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

My parents never talked about money in front of us as kids, and I have always felt it was rude to discuss money with anyone except immediate family. I hate that my daughter's conversation with others often focuses on money and stuff. I have previously told her it was rude and asked her not to do it in my presence as it makes her appear to be a shallow, selfish person. I have done something wrong in that she keeps talking about it, and it is often in front of people that make me uncomfortable. For someone whose father has lost their job and health insurance, or a less privileged family, it is totally insensitive. My immediate solution is to tell her that the next time she does it in the car, I am pulling over and making her get out. Turning the radio up really loud did not work. I am at my wits end, and this has to change somehow.

I Want To Get Back Under The Covers

2004-10-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to get back under the covers today when:
- I heard that the Sheriff was refusing to drive pregnant prisoners to the abortion clinic. They got pregnant while abusing drugs or in prostitution and he is refusing to provide them their legal rights of choice. Instead, foster homes are picking up drug addicted, parentless kids at the County Hospital. They are wards of the state until age 18, often needed special services from affects of drug abuse in the womb. The State Department of Corrections will take them to the abortion clinics, but makes the prisoner and their family pay for the services. They are often very poor. What a world....
- Male fish in the Potomac River are being found with eggs. 75% of the male fish had eggs,which authorities think is due to pollution. Makes me think of the three-eyed fish in "The Simpsons".
- The community garage sale I offered to organize got all screwed up, as the community newsletter did not get out on time. So, I don't know who is participating (if anyone). It goes back to the old saying, "no good deed should go unpunished."
Well, it is almost Shabbat and time to relax. I need it.