Why People Procrastinate

Having just had one huge procrastination for two sets of minutes, I was wondering why I do it. And I searched the web for info. The University of Cambridge, in the UK, has a Counselling website with "Help for Common Problems". It was very insightful, funny and, as odd it sounds, helpful for me to figure out why I have procrastinated since 5th grade. I had to do a state report (on Mississippi) and waited until the last night. I was upset in the night, told my father, and he got up and helped me. Now, this was 1962 and the first of many times my father rescued me. There was no Internet, obviously, but thank goodness for "The World Book." Each time I think I will learn a lesson, I just do it again. I had to find out why I just keep on doing it.

Here are some excerpts from the University of Cambridge and my comments are shown as Ed. note (Editor's Notes):

"What is procrastination?
The avoidance of doing a task which needs to be done - postponing until tomorrow what can be done today. Procrastination not only affects a person's work, but also commonly involves feelings such as guilt, inadequacy, self-disgust, stress and depression. Often we try to disguise our avoidance by being very busy doing things that may be interesting, and even useful, but don't contribute towards the main goal - even doing something we normally hate - rather than writing, for example, just before an essay deadline! (Ed. note: I can always find interesting useful things to do!)

Why do people procrastinate?
- Poor time management, often associated with a distorted sense of the time available
- An inability to prioritize overload of tasks at a specific time
- Anxiety about the task, so time is spent worrying rather than doing
- Difficulty concentrating (Ed. note: right on!)
- Not knowing what is required
- Feeling overwhelmed by the task(s)
- Concern about failing or not meeting your own standards
- Fear of success and its possible consequences
- Perfectionism, often associated with unrealistic standards
- Negative feelings - e.g. "I'm stupid", "nothing ever goes right for me"
- All-or-nothing thinking, where one setback is seen as a total catastrophe (Ed. note: Bingo!)
- Being bored by the task (Ed. note: Ditto!)
- Never having learned how to work or sort out problems while at school or living at home
- Avoidance of things which are disliked or difficult (Ed. note: Mega-Ditto!)

How to overcome procrastination?
Overcoming procrastination usually involves both better organizational and time-management skills as well as a clearer understanding of its personal or emotional meaning. .....
Here are some suggestions to get started:
- Accept that there is no magic wand: you will have to do the task! (Ed. note: I used to wait for elves to come to my office at night when I was working!)
Identify goals and make realistic decisions about how to do the tasks, and prioritize.
Try changing the words "have to" and "can't" to "choose to" and "choose not to" - this won't always be true, but it will probably be more honest most of the time.
Take account of the sort of person you are, of your values and your expectations. Assess whether these "fit" with the way in which you are trying to tackle the task - do you need a new approach with which you will be more comfortable?
Recognise self-defeating behaviour and its associated thinking. Set a time limit for the planning stage(s). Plan a (small) section and then work on it. Whilst spending time planning is very useful, here's a word of warning to those who make very detailed plans which go wrong within an hour and are then ripped up in disgust - plans need to be flexible! Don't plan all the hours in the day; leave plenty of unplanned times and spaces - to allow for things taking longer than expected, and for you to have extra time for relaxation when they don't!
Break down tasks into manageable bits. Set yourself small goals - to read one chapter; to write 1 page; to work for 45 minutes, take a 15 minute break and then do another 45 minutes work.
Boost your motivation. Dwell on your strengths, on tasks you have accomplished and feel good about, in order to remind yourself that you can be successful.
Give yourself rewards when you accomplish something. (Ed. note: I try punishment; i.e. not eating or sleeping until the project is done!)
When you are getting stuck, rather than just stopping work, try a different strategy - take a pencil and an old, half-used piece of paper out of the bin, and scribble unplanned and unstructured notes and ideas to yourself for the task in hand. Or start on a different section of the piece (you don't have to work from the beginning to the end), picking the least demanding in thought or creativity.
Quite often procrastination is connected to anxieties about the quality of the work you hope (or fear) you will produce! At times like this, it is worth remembering that it's better to produce something rather than nothing! (Ed.note: if that is true, perhaps I am a perfectionist?)
Where to seek more help - when you can get round to it..."

HaHa! When you can get round to it.....

Vacation and a Pre-teen

We cannot seem to get our daughter to understand that we have to sacrafice a winter vacation in order to accomodate her Winter Camp session. It is a short session and last year we tried to squeeze a trip in the 5 days. But she doesn't seem to get that we would like her to help us come up with a plan that would work for both of us, and each time we bring it up, she says, "Why are you trying to make me feel bad?" So, we could punish her for the selfishness, but then we would all be punished if she moped around the house, we argued about tv and computer time and generally all had a horrible time. We have examined many options, and seem to reach no conclusion, except that she goes to camp, and we stay home and clean out the garage. We could possibly take her somewhere with us, but a short trip yesterday to Trader Joe's, Goodwill and an herb store (it was filled with a potent incense smell and she dramatically plugged her nose and ran out the door) proved that would be really miserable for all involved. So, we will miss the Seinfeld performances in Las Vegas. And reflect on good times of vacations past.

A Day of Mixed Feelings

It is a season filled with ads for things to buy everywhere. But it is also a time for giving, and lots of places are in need of food, funds and gifts to help others through the holiday season. I cry as I read the stories of others who have opened their hearts to those in need.
It is hard to balance those haves and have-nots, when we have been in a situation ourselves when shopping trips were merely looking and thinking of what we would like to buy, if we ever could. Our daughter had a sleepover last night with a wonderful friend, whose father lost his computer programming job 6 months ago, courtesy of GWB and friends. Today's paper had a blurb that she had won an award for a "Character Counts" essay. And we shared Thanksgiving with a family, where the dad who works in the non-profit world, had his job eliminated, also courtesy of GWB. These folks outfit themselves and their house with garage sale finds.
Reportedly, people are spending cautiously, not knowing what the economy holds after the election. I see four years and more ahead with lots more folks losing jobs, not being able to make ends meet or having the funds to consider spending. All the while, GWB and his friends will be reaping the benefits of tax cuts and destroying the environment.
In our personal respose, we are engaged in a massive giveaway of stuff we don't use, need or cannot fit into. It is one way of clearing out space, in a Feng Shui method, to allow good energy and health into our home. It is also helps us feel like we are doing something to make it easier for other people who don't have adequate resources or stuff.
We have our car loaded with bags of clothing and household goods to pass on to others. A small step to making it better, but if everyone took one small step, it would result in a big one...

Hot Holiday Gift Projections

I am assembling a list of hot holiday gifts from today's review of the paper. I cannot proceed without mentioning that there are many who need food, clothing, shelter and jobs as their gifts for the holiday season.
The newest things you didn't know you needed:
- the creme brulee making set, complete with some sort of hot, blasting tool.
- a knit shrug, seen in the Old Navy ad. It is a half-sweater thing that is totally cute. If it fits, I am buying one for myself.
- a Hot Wing fryer, which is self-explanatory and is probably promoted by the maker of Lipitor.
- the George Foreman grill with removable plates for cleaning. That is a refinement on an already great product.
- the electric jar opener that opens jars in some kind of contraption. On the surface, an unnecessary gift, but for those with arthritis or no strength in their arms, it could be a valuable addition to their kitchen. It took me 4 days to open a jar of artichoke hearts, banging and smashing it on stuff until it finally opened.
- alternatives to the video game dance programs, that don't have a visual component. These have a sound setup, with dance mats, and are battery operated or include CDs with the music. It is a good gift for those who are without video game equipment, us included. The sweetest one is a ballet mat, with a bar and a DVD for a personal ballet lesson.
- one of several varieties of the single-shot coffee makers. I have seen the Keurig one at the car dealer, but there is a Phillips, Melitta and Black and Decker one worth investigating. It will depend on how strong the coffee would be, if herbal teas are available in the proper form factor and what coffee brands are available. These are important facts for a tea blender and coffee snob.
- My husband predicts a great business in cameras, and DVD recorders.

Giving Thanks

I am thankful, as Thanksgiving approaches, for my husband and daughter.
I am thankful for our home, health and safety, as well as the kindess and love we have from our special circle of friends and family.
I am sad for those in less fortunate situations, without food, security and a peaceful home environment.
I feel sad for those separated from their families while serving in Iraq and for those that are home but treat their families and others in an evil way.
I feel sad for those aching with pain over the recent loss of a loved one and desperately trying to fill that void on a holiday.
I understand the love that mother feels in order to drive for hours to take a home-cooked meal to her son, a soldier serving in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Since he and his co-workers cannot go further than one hour from the base, she is taking the meal to him and 20 friends.
I am thankful we have each other to celebrate a very non-traditional Thanksgiving.
If only the world, and the people in it, could be at peace for one day...

Holiday Shopping Frenzy

For the past two years, we have joined the throngs at really early shopping the day after Thanksgiving. We did it, the first time, for a portable DVD player and it was pretty busy at CompUSA. Last year we hit Best Buy for a MP3 player and $5 DVDs. That was a mob scene, starting with fisties in the parking lots and a long, long, long line. People would bring their cellphones, station one family member in line and then call each other with what they had gotten, ultimately piling it all on the person in line. I chatted with the airline pilot behind me as we waited as he piled up DVDs to watch on his layovers. My husband promises to bring his cell phone this year to make it easier, though we have not watched most of the DVDs we bought.
This Turkey Day we are planning to do lots of giveaways to local charities and thrift shops, as well as get some angel cards from the Salvation Army trees in the mall. But we will also be scouring the inserts to decide our destination early Friday morning. Target is trying to influence people their way with creative, free wakeup calls, timed to coincide with getting you there for their 6:30 am opening. Yes, we will be in line somewhere, clamouring for something we don't really need. But, for us, it is the excitement and curiosity of being part of the phenomena, seeing who is buying what and all the related buyer and seller dynamics.
I had to laugh out loud at the introduction to the holiday shopping on the Lands End website, one of my favorite online shopping destinations. I have included the portion that made me laugh, as I am guilty with participating in the annual consumer ritual of "Day after Thanksgiving" shopping.

" Friday, the doors of every store in America will open wide to the teeming multitudes. If you're not one to relish the press of the crowd, we're pleased to present you with a less tumultuous option. ....with this list of helpful hints:
• Sleep in! No need to get up at 5:00 in the morning unless you expect a crowd of several thousand lunatics to make a mad dash for your computer. And since your computer won't be standing on its feet all day waiting on overwhelmed shoppers, the chances of it snapping at you are slim.
• If shopping online feels strange to you, try this: after breakfast, get dressed, gather up your lists and get in the car. Drive around for half an hour. Park about three blocks away from home and walk back. Does that seem more familiar? Good. Next, pour yourself a cup of coffee, turn on the computer and relax. And if you choose to shop while wearing only your underwear, no one will run away screaming.".....

No comment on my part about shopping in my underwear, but the rest of it was too funny! Thank you, Lands End, for a great morning chuckle.

Weekend of Emotional Contrasts

This past weekend had lots of emotional highs and lows. It started with the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk. I did not plan to walk the 5 miles, but the team assembled by my neighbor had such nice women, that we were talking and right when I decided I couldn't go further, we were almost at the end. My neighbor, also a survivor, and I, cried when we saw 8,000 people walking for the cause. My daughter was a route marshall volunteer and it was so sweet to see her as we passed by.
I then went to the Fall League World Series game with my husband. Usually there are a total of 20 people in the stands; it was crowded and it was a blast. Aside from the friendly people seated in our section, including some A level Oakland A's from Modesto, the up and coming stars were fun to watch. We liked Ryan Howard and Huston Street, cheering for both. Turns out the people across the aisle were Street's parents and we met them after the game, as they were probably bursting with pride as the sportswriters surrounded him after saving the game. His proud parents thanked us for "hollering for our son." My husband says he is the next Eck. And, best of all, though he often walks slowly, my husband gets to these Fall League games and runs, with his camera, to take pictures of the players. This time, we stayed for the trophy presentation, team celebration and to get autographs as the players left. It was so much fun that my face hurt from smiling so much, and so delightful to see him have such a great time.
We took our daughter to babysit a Downs classmate that night. She is so sweet with him and it gives his parents to have respite and go out to dinner. The two classmates danced the night away to Dance Dance Revolution and played games. Last year, her 6th grade teacher had told us that she was so gentle with him in class. She has so much empathy and a big heart, even though sometimes she seems to only see one foot in front of her face.
Sunday brought a really annoying carpool experience (aren't they supposed to make it less stressful?) followed by a lovely afternoon visiting a friend who had surgery. My husband had prepared a delicious meal to take over. The time flew by and I saw her Christmas tree filled with ornaments from a lifetime of family memories.
To conclude the weekend, we attended a wine tasting at a neighbor's house. She was amazing and had recently run for Congress. Now she is representing the US in various countries to improve the role and rights of women. What a fascinating political discussion and so heartening in that you are actually talking to someone that is doing something to make the world a better place. The weekend ended on a high note, and I didn't even think too much about how much I hate George Bush.

Middle School Mom

As a middle school mom, I know I don't want to have to live through that time again. But, I am, as part of helping my daughter survive. I volunteer each week in the school office, to allow me a glimpse into the world she faces daily. And, frankly, I think she's doing well considering. It has helped me know how the system works to move up one level in Math.
But I am stymied by a situation with a bullying classmate, bordering on harrassment. It is one of those things, that if reported to the school counselors, would probably make the situation worse. I try, each night, to tuck my daughter into bed and kiss her good night. Some nights, we talk at bedtime, about her day, friends, thoughts, etc. Last night, she was furiously knitting as she was anxious about going to school. We talked long enough for her to make almost a whole scarf as she shared her situation and concerns. I am so thankful she is willing to talk to me; I just wish I had the magic answer to help her. Yes, if only I could snap my fingers and/or wiggle my nose...

New Travel Concept

A different concept for travel planning seems to have potential for us -- event-based travel.
My list would include:
- Eagles concerts (others could be considered);
- Seinfeld performances (others could also be considered);
- restaurant reservations (Morimoto's, Shiro's, lots of others too numerous to mention here);
- dog-related events (Dockdogs, wienerdog races);
- sporting events or sports-related (Minor League baseball, seeing the Eck plaque at Cooperstown)
- visiting the home studio of a favorite artist (VanDyke Jones, Brian Andreas);
- outstanding Farmer's Markets or food-related factories (olive oil and vinegar creators, pickled vegetable or olive makers).

You could fly somewhere, drive in a rented RV or just talk about all the above, which is what we mostly do.

Movie Phrases II

If I don't write these movie phrases down, they will rattle around in my head.
- "Show me the money."
- "There's no crying in baseball."
- "Knife? That's not a knife."
- "I'll have what she's having."
- "Houston, we have a problem."
- "Remember, we met in the Hailie Selassi lounge."
- "He's cooking the garbage"...."Good song. Is that the Grassroots?"
( editor's note: I still listen to them)
- "I am averting my eyes, finally"....and from same actor, different movie,..."Arugula, it's a vegetable."
- "A man in a really nice camper......."
---more to come I'm sure....We use so many expressions from movies in our daily household conversation, though most of them are offbeat and would not make the top 100. We may have to publish our own top 100 list.

Movie Phrases

I read that the American Film Institute was having people vote on the 100 top movie phrases. I can only think of a few of them and am looking forward to seeing which ones win (though they already revealed several (7?) from "The Wizard of Oz."
Obviously "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," from "Gone With the Wind" will be one of the top. But will everyone have "That caviar is a garnish. You don't eat the garnish" from "You've Got Mail"? And there must be some phrase from the original "Ocean's Eleven", my favorite movie, but I cannot think of one that would be a contender. I suppose "Go to the mattresses" will be on everyone's list, as everyone quotes "The Godfather." Or Clint Eastwood, saying, "Make my day."
Certainly one that will not make the list, but is one of my favorites, is the scene in "Runaway Bride" when Julia Roberts gets on the FedEx truck. One guest says "I don't know where she is going, but she will be there by 10:00 am tomorrow." I laughed out loud in the theatre the first time I heard it, and still laugh each time I see the movie.

Living Your Ideals

There is a place here in Phoenix called the Urban Farm. They have lots of classes, programs and information on organic fruit and vegetable farming. We went one year to their surplus sale where they gave their surplus organic vegetable and herb plants away to a good home, for a small donation. We planted them, and some actually have survived. They also sell organic citrus trees with assistance in caring for them. The farm is actually a series of beds and greenhouse behind a modest home in Central Phoenix, a truly remarkable farming situation. I admire Farmer Greg as he informs his email list of environmentally-related concerns and lives his ideals of organic farming.
Earlier this year, there was a fear of West Nile virus, so city leaders decided to spray different neighborhoods each night to prevent mosquitos. Few mosquitos were seen, but Farmer Greg tried to get people to write and go to hearings and get involved. It did not prevent spraying. One day, in my email, there was a message headed "The Urban Farm is no longer Organic." Seems Farmer Greg was sitting at his computer one night. The email went as follows:

"I have spent the last 15 years nurturing the space called the Urban Farm. Never once have I used toxic chemicals or nonorganic fertilizer in our space. Our intent here at the Urban Farm is to educate the community about natural methods of growing and nurturing vegetables and ruits. It is with great sadness that I send this announcement. It is Monday evening 10:41 pm and there is this funny sound outside. It happens to be the Maricopa County spraying truck fogging for mosquitoes. Which by the way I have not seen many of over the past two weeks. THE URBAN FARM AFTER 15 YEARS OF HARD WORK IS NO LONGER ORGANIC. The county took care of that and I am incredibly angry and sad. The county sprayed didn't bother telling me or any of my neighbors and some of them I know for a fact have evaporative coolers which bring the pesticide right into their homes. For the moment here is what we can do.... including calling the Public Health Information Officer and tell him you don't want spraying in your neighborhood."

I was moved to tears by his sadness and sincerity and wrote him an email that it was admirable that he was still working on his ideals to motivate people. His response was so touching:" Since they sprayed last night my mind has been racing as to what to do about it. I got your message and stopped to ponder...and too was in tears."
Since that fateful night, he has continued his quest for organic farming and quality of life. This last week, I got emails about the annual fruit tree sale and classes, and a cistern class for those wanting to capture and reuse rain water. The only place I ever knew that did that was the Masada in Israel, but that is another story.
The most thought provoking class is "Making your own Biodiesel Fuel’ - learn how to power your diesel engine on the leftover fry oil from your local restaurant. The oil is free and nothing needs to be done to your engine to use it. Learn how to make your own biodiesel fuel. This is a hands on workshop where we will actually make biodiesel."
I admire Farmer Greg for sticking to his ideals, making us all more aware of how we can try to control our environment, starting with the food that we put into our bodies. Farmer Greg is an example of someone who lives their ideals. That is the end of this story for now.

Book Clubs

I have wanted to join a book club. I seldom take the time to read, though I love it. But, bifocals and having trouble sitting still make reading a luxury. Recently I was able to join a book club through our synagogue. We had family reading sessions, as part of encouraging our daughter to read. The first book, "The Bee Season", was about one of my favorite things -- spelling bees. Did you happen to catch the documentary from a few years ago called "Spellbound?"
The book club was low key, which is good as I am shy about sharing my thoughts or having to lead the discussion. Others had a different insight into the book. A movie has been filmed for this book, starring Richard Gere, whom I do not envision in the role. The books are on Jewish themes, mostly fiction, with a few non-fiction thrown in. Our next book is "Miriam's Kitchen", which I have started reading. I don't really like it so far, always judging a book by how I like the first 3 pages. I will try to get through it. The fellow book group people say the egg salad recipe is wonderful. It entails frying onions and mushrooms, then chopping them up with the hard-boiled eggs. It sounded really yucky to me, but perhaps it was due to the fact I read it late at night. The book after this is one that I may not even attempt to read as I think it will give me nightmares. Is there a "light and fluffy" book club anywhere?

Grief Is A Heavy Load

I am struck by the fact that grief is a heavy load, and it would be so nice to put it down and just walk away. I happened to run into the late Rabbi Silberman's wife today as she was walking her dog, and we had a chance to talk. I think she is such a strong woman, with so much determination, that she will ultimately be ok. She will, however, be sad and in mourning forever as her life was so much of his life. We talked about a variety of things -- the election, her dog, her feelings and some of the things that they loved doing together like playing cribbage. I just wish I could do something to lighten her load. It seems that one danger of being so close is the crippling inability to continue, or finding a reason why you would even want to. I guess the lesson is to treasure each and every day as you don't what lies ahead. But that doesn't make it any easier in the end, I suspect.

One Week

It's been one week since my last posting, and what a week it was! From the excitement, anticipation and hopefullness (is that a word?) before the election, to the sadness and hateful feelings that have emerged as we must look at GWB for one more term (minus a few days and counting). The exhilaration of working at the polls in a busy election cannot be conveyed, helping new voters, being part of the process -- a long day, with some creepy people (one of whom was a fellow poll worker) and some really thoughtful, positive folks. Fact is, I cannot wait to do it again. I cried at concession speeches, cursed at victory speeches and basically, felt the range of emotions that the Edwards family had to have experienced all in one day. The emails that followed that fateful day were a swarm of thank yous, energizing comments about fellow volunteers and the future.
A personal letdown, certainly, as the time and energy directed at the campaign process is over. What is next? New volunteer options? Helping a friend through breast cancer? Cleaning and organizing the house so we can invite people over and not have to apologize about the chaos? Classes at a new, nearby spinning studio? Planting a November garden? Hmmmmm. I am thinking about all these things and more. Procrastination is really a horrible thing, even if self imposed.