Say What I Do or Do What I Say?

My recent foray into the world of volunteerism reveals two kinds of people. Are you a "say what I do" type, needing lots of repeated thank you and recognition? Or, are you a "do what I say" person -- one who follows through on what they agreed to do without focus on recognition?
I met both types. Unfortunately, those that say they will do something and don't follow through will give me a lasting impression of them. I know they couldn't care less what I think, but I am not impressed by their character for taking credit when NO credit is due.

That Time of Year

It 's getting to that time of year, when, five years ago, I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer. I am grateful to be alive and healthy five years down the road. However, as each significant date comes around (date of diagnosis, first chemo, surgery, etc.), I find myself reflecting on then and now. I want to celebrate having the blessing to be alive and survive, yet cannot allow myself to not remember what it took to get here, to today. I am trying to focus all my positive thoughts and energy on planning the best Bat Mitzvah possible for my daughter, as she is one-half of the dynamic duo that helped me through those many months. She remembers little of that time, but I remember.
The credit is also due to some other folks:
- My surgeon, Dr. Laura Esserman, with hands and a voice on loan from G-d. Words cannot describe how much she cares about her patients; she sings opera to them while in the Operating Room;
- My oncologist, Dr. Hope Rugo, a smart, intense, direct physician with a combination of heart and brains that is remarkable;
- Karen, the wonderful Nurse Practitioner who has been through this herself. She listened to everything, and when she could do nothing else, gave you a shoulder to cry on and a big hug of encouragement. I am eternally grateful to this trio of women.
Finally, I must add, last, but not least, Barry Bonds. He unwittingly gave my husband something to think about while we all tried to survive. Seeing him the other night at the comedy club, and sitting about 10 ft. from him during the show was a thrill. I know that I stared at him way too much, but he is part of that time five years ago. How ironic that he is also part of today, and hopefully, many more tomorrrows.

Going To The Movies

I always suggest going to the movies when we talk about having an outing, but we don't usually get there for one reason or another. Yesterday, we did get there. I was surprised that so many people just get out and go to the movies, spontaneously, meeting friends, etc. It is hard for me as I only like lightweight comedies, but I do try to see other types if they are not violent, middle-earth like or historical. My husband always thinks I have stock in the movie theatre chains when I suggest it, but I know how much he enjoys going to the movies when he sees something that is thought provoking. Lately, we have discovered having a good laugh before bed helps lower his blood sugar, resulting in a good night's sleep.

President's Day

I asked my husband what we are doing that is presidential this weekend. We could not think of anything related to the holiday, but we are going to watch some baseball, maybe, if it stops raining and we can find those pitchers and catchers. But mostly we are driving our daughter around. She has activities day and night Saturday, a sleepover on Sunday and planned appointments on Monday. I had asked her what she would like for dinner tonight as it was the only night we are eating dinner together the entire weekend. It is sure difficult to shift your mindset as you accept the fact that your child, almost teenager, has her own separate schedule all weekend. At least we had Shabbat dinner together.

Ten Years

Tonight was my father's Yartzheit, the tenth anniversary of his death, according to the Jewish calendar. It is tradition to say the Mourner's prayers and light a candle for the deceased person. We went to services and read the prayer; I was honored that my daughter stood by my side to help me with the Hebrew words I mispronounced. We have a candle burning, with some of his favorite items: cheese, junk mail, black pepper and toothpicks. A favorite rabbi said that the candle light wakes up the dead person from their eternal sleep, and lets them know someone is thinking of them -- that is extremely comforting.
It strikes me that the hardest fact to grasp about the ten years since he died is that time passes so quickly and easily, without notice if you are not careful. I have some wonderful memories and traits I learned from him and I know his passing affected so many of the people in my family deeply. It is particularly poignant on Valentine's Day. Right before he died, the employees in his company had a Valentine's party for him -- to thank him, wish him well and, ultimately, to say goodbye to a man that had been a very fair employer. I went to the party, and then walked him home (in a wheelchair, at that point). He wept the whole way home, knowing the end was very near.
My mother lost one of the two special people on the planet that loved her with their hearts and souls. The other person was her sister, who, believe it or not, died just two weeks later. I weep now for her losses, and mine, too.

Unstructured Time

I have created some blocks of time in my week to get some big projects started (and hopefully done) by giving up some recurring obligations. Unfortunately, unstructured time means I get nothing done. I move piles of paper around the house, do email, listen to the radio, procrastinate, think of places I should go but don't, make a periodic phone call, and generally just enjoy being at home, looking at the desert and all the wonderful birds enjoying my new feeder with Spanish peanuts and dried papaya. If I don't get my errands run early in the morning, they just don't happen. Part of the problem is that the projects have a deadline that is not pressing, and deadlines are a huge motivator for me.

Horses At Cavalia

I bought tickets to "Cavalia" for my family for Hanukkah, but accidentally got them during the Superbowl, assuring that the Philadelphia Eagles would be in it. Well, the Superbowl was disappointing, despite McNabb's efforts and TO coming in to save the day. The horses at "Cavalia" -- let's see -- they were fantastic. It was such a weird event, with the bleachers inside the tent and multi-media images and holograms flashing on curtains that were sometimes fabric, sometimes water. The acrobatics are something I could take or leave; the modern jazz/interpretive dance was to keep you entertained between the horse performances and the live new-age music was enjoyable. In all, the set made me think of the Renaissance Fair. But back to the horses, the stars of the show. They performed in unison, without bridles or saddles, but for the love and adoration of their rider. The individual (and stubborn) personalities came through, all the way from the 19-month old stallion to the 19-year old stallion. Their manes and tails were crimped (my daughter said, although she yawned loudly during the entire performance). I was reminded of the performance I had seen in 1968 of the Lippazaner Stallions in Austria -- that was a more formal show than this -- as the horses really got to run freely in "Cavalia". They were very majestic. My husband graciously gave up most of the Superbowl, only to watch the 4th quarter and see the chance of a win slip away from his beloved Eagles. It was a weird weekend, and one that I am glad is over.

Bickering

Each day we seem to bicker about the details surrounding the upcoming Bat Mitzvah. The religious training is going smoothly and is under control. Everything else is out of control, resulting in arguing every day over varied expectations and good ways to meet all expectations. It is going to be a long six months at this rate. But whatever it takes, the outcome will include an amazing performance by my amazing daughter, a Torah portion by my husband, a Hebrew blessing by me and lots of support and encouragement for her from both of us.